i slept for 6 hours and 48 minutes nice

ty good morning hehe

it is 3 AM

I'm not europppeeeann

I'm am AMERICA

.play boulevard of broken dreams

i just sleep when I'm tired

i feel

i fell asleep at like 7 or 8pm

oooohh ohhh anon anon i c

>>114269↪
i wish i could sleep all day but more than 9 hours of sleep a day is like a life expectancy of 56 years old lol it's really bad 4 u

over 12 hours is like in the 40s

>>114274↪
under 7 is like 60s and under 4 is line 40s

lemme see if i can find the study

the healthy sleep is like 6-9 and the farther outside of that you go the worse it is but its probably got something to do with people who sleep 3 or 14 hours a day are doing other really unhealthy behaviors too

>>114286↪
I'm still asking for a cool milly for ffs and srs please

its really bad for your body and brain to fuck up your sleep though it does a bunch of bad shit to your body, for example if you sleep less than 5 hours a day you will have half the white blood cell count so you just get sick more

I'm on a phone in bed rn just woke up

I'm swipe typing

i got chronically ill q year ago when i pushed myself too hard i had a schedule that involved 2 46 hour days a week and i gif really really sick and took a year off school

i tried to work a full time job and do 15 credits at the same time

i mean i did do that but i dropped my algebra class at the end my teacher was fucked up in many ways and i didn't want to hear her voice anymore she kept dead naming me over and over and blaming the computer system and she also graded my tests wrong. i even went to the math chair and he said "yea, i wouldn't have graded it like that' and he asked if i wanted to open a complaint and i said fuck it and just dropped the class

well heres what happened. i changed my name in the system but it keeps ur legal name and i guess she was printing it from a source that only shows the legal name so ask the other teachers didn't have this problem.

also apparently they updated that system because teachers have only used my preferred name since then this new semester

yea it really felt that way but i couldn't tell. she was an Indian mom, like mid 40s Indian woman. i know people in India can be pretty homophobic

i probably should have done something about it but i was literally dieing and couldn't breath

also imagine she was just genuinely dumb and i make a big deal out if nothing or if she was homophobic and the school sides with her i would kms or if she retaliated against me and made me get a C no matter how hard i tried

also she had a program where if u went to recitation hours 8 if the 10 times or smth you would get a flat 5% of your grade added and i went to 7 of them and couldn't make the 8th because i went to urgent care for but being able to breathe and she was basically like sry that was the deal fuck you and i helped a lot of peoplewith their homework

also she was a high school teacher and she ACTED like one

I'm like I'm literally 30 years old and this bitch taking to be like I'm 17 I've literally overcome so much shit and seem so much just to fucking be what these kids are given for free as teenagers. like I'm working a full time job in a managerial position so i have to able to respond to phone calls and texts and stuff. and she's like taking people's phones (she never did it to me)

basically i hope this bitch explodeeeee soured my taste on all of college immediately, made be realize its just one everywhere else on planet earth. all that matters is power.

i think its really funny that a lot of professors are like YOU ARE PAYING FOR THIS CLASS GET THE MOST OUT OF IT like this isn't a 101 class that be covered in 3 YouTube video essays. bitch everyone is here to get credits, not because your intro to 100 whatever high school level thing is corr knowledge. line business major genuinely does but give a fuck about your biology lab lmaoooo and its stupid to pretend they do

>>114321↪
ewwwwwww sex is gross

>>114320↪
doordash a burger really quick

>>114327↪
damn not NYC moment :(

do u have anything in ur house? carbs??? white rice??? something you can make for the short term?

>>114331↪
i have the opposite problem i feel like kms and i buy cake and drink a sugary drink

>>114331↪
but you shouldn't beat urself up for stumbling that's literally NORMAL. you aren't line abnormal for struggling to change or improve yourself. the important thing is genuinely not to blame yourself and just keep trying. i said yourself that 'one bad day'

happens and you break your streak of healthy eating. it is NORMAL to fall off the horse, you just need to keep getting back on.

sry for all the typoss I'm phonepostint

>>114337↪
#hug

it is normal and healthy to feel discouraged. we just need to keep trying. pain exists to show us the way.

maybe... i think that is pretty common lashing out at people. did u apologize??

>>114345↪
have u tried eating REALLY fatty foods? what's ur budget like

well sounds like there is drama yea better to leave it.

you need fat and carbs to gain weight. carbs is short term energy its like sugar --> carbs --> fat. so if you want weight you need fat + other stuff or else you have no fat to be protected by the carbs

that's just the simplest way to put it. sugar is like what ur cells actually use, carbs get CONVERTED to sugar and fat is LONG TERM storage

eating fat is the best way to get fat

there are lots of healthy fats. idk ur budget but nuts like almonds peanuts and cashews especially are a great fatty snack that's healthy

dairy, all dairy is good. (not low fat and 2% obviously)

whole milk, yogurt, cheese are all great sources of fat but it depends on your lactose tolerance

yeaa hehe. that's not for everyone. also too many carbs will literally make you dizzy and nauseus or poop really bad. like if u eat nothing but rice or pasta it's really bad for you

oh i was gonna ask. yes that sounds nice. I've never had anyone line that it sounds really nice. a few people have tried but i push them away because i hate my body i might be more open now but still i hate pp

>>114368↪
yea no good can u get a diet coach ir smth? like a part time one some meet line one a month by zoom and stuff. that said that's probably really daunting for you.

bad break ups T_T

i don't get it but i also was never in a relationship. i have ended and blocked a long term friend because he just got to much for me. he's diagnosed BPD (not a stereotype and very honest, hard working and trying his best. very nice person) but after like 12 years he started getting more confident and bitter and i couldn't take it anymore

i will say this having been close with someone with bpd even if its weird you should try to explain WHY you do things. I'm the moment u will lose control and say bad things, but it meant a lot to be when my friends would make the effort to explain why that triggered him and apologize but also if u have BPD you will never want to admit you are wrong ever so its hard.

idk abusing people is bad. but its a hard burden to shoulder yourself too. i don't want to say you have anything because bpd is a meme online and barely means anything anymore but its normal to be bad at being a good person. it's really hard but i do think explaining your feelings and being open any why you did things is important. sometimes we feel really righteous and cotrect and we are just wrong, or maybe we are right and its not worth destroying a tensioned relationship over it

>>114386↪
i do that too i don't think I'm bpd though. i also take it really personally when someone i really like or admire doesn't like me :( which is a lot of people because I'm so annoying lol

well i will say this like less than 1% of your internet friends are real friends who will stick with you thick or thin i got really lucky and made a few but ive turned away from some since then for various reasons but its really hard to find a true friend online people are usually just looking for someone who shares their hobbies first

>>114396↪
yea it happens but i mean this extremely strongly EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS DON'T STOP BEING VULNERABLE human relationships require a certain amount of openness and like openness = closeness if that makes sense but also maybe because I'm ace that's easier for me

maybe that's not a bad thing because you should have friends who can deal with the trauma dumping hehe.

well not ace but basically ace, more from trauma from GD than being opposed to it. i do think its really gross though

sexual fluids are really gross and sticky idgi

People basically blowing snot at each other as a hobby unreal

>>114411↪
yea... maybe there is someone for you but unfortunately for most people romance =sex . i want a relationship but i feel like i can't get into one because i hate my genitals and also i would feel wrong dating an ace person because I'm not true ace im just traumatized lol

romance to me is care and emotional closeness. putting their happiness over your happiness. it is a bond, a contract and it should be somewhat sacrificial. but i believe in monogomy...

>>114422↪
for normal people that just has sexual undertones :(

that's how normies signal its time for sex lol

idk the closest thing to a sexual experience i had was a high school friend who was gay was kind fr in love with me and he let me stay at his house for awhile and he pressured me into letting him give me a blowjob but i didn't want to do it and it was really embarrassing because I TRIED to get into it but i couldn't i hate this thing didn't get hard or like orgasm at all

i was like 19? he was like 20? idr. but shortly after that his dad kicked me out because i had girl clothes and he thought i was stealing them from joes sister i wasn't i just had my own girl clothes..

so i went back to sleeping in the park

>>114431↪
yea... i don't think that people with GD are going to be and to enjoy their pps its way to triggering

>>114435↪
his dad was a non English speaking immigrant who gave all his spare cash to a spanisj mega church

well being homeless you end up in weird places

i wish my parents were normal i have daddy issues so bad i wish i just had real parents even being old

maybe there is more going on beneath the surface and he just doesn't talk about it. Men can be like that.

>>114444↪
#check#check(checked) #oracle (based)

:(

wooo

4AM trauma dumping lets gooiooooooooooooooo

.play adrian brodyquest neil cecigsteraa

np I'm a loser so I'm always lurking in internet chat rooms :)

well anon is there for a reason (to run political psyops and government honeypots)

truee i am using a and i have said many annoying or embarrassing things in tyne month i have been here there are already people who hate me but that's okay ig

yea probably i can be a know it all or overly confrontational also I have REALLY unpopular politics like my politics trigger fully everyone. tankies hate me because I'm anti revolution, nazis hate because I'm woke and multi culti pilled, religious people hate me because I'm anti religion, liberals hate me because I'm socially progressive and believe in social safety nets, libertarians hate me because i believe a week developed beaurocracy is a great equalizer and necessary for an advanced society

somewhere between liberal and socialist economically i believe in strong government economic involvement along with strong labor rights/labor political power. like i think the FED is a good thing which almost no one does.

i just feel like a political schizo lol

anyone who is really opinionated about politics will find something in my beliefs to despise about me i trigger people A LOT. nazis and rightoids call me woke and leftists call be problematic and pro establishment and the thing is I'm not a centrist lol I'm pretty extreme just in my own direction kind of ig

it happens in trans spaces a lot because of the huge amount of tankies

YEA SHOW URSELF

something everyone hates that i believe really strongly is that the system of government is irrelevant. its the cultural norms and societal standards that define your country. all governments are easily controlled and captured by rich people and sociopaths, it doesn't matter what type of gov u have

every political theorist since ancient egyptian scholars thought they knew the system that would solve everything, truth is there is no system that will. People must fundamentally grow and change for the world to be better

>>114490↪
idk... 1900s had a lot of that and often it ends up with lenin being murdered and gangsters taking all the money and being the new rich people

yea but so did the capitalists too. like even America had the civil rights movement end now exports rainbow politics all over the world

i thin that's true of some not others

in vietnam they just banned literacy, killed anyone who knew too much and made everyone get malnutrition from only eating rice for 40 years

i agree with marx that the most important thing to changing society is mandatory education

not for fags unfortunately though :(

all the commies hated fags :(

yea

yea thats probably true. idk how to measure it because under the tzar people were starving and under the commies people were industrially murdered, relocatex and stuff it feels like pick your poison. that's kind of what i mean though by the system of government not mattering. russias culture always pointed it in an authoritarian hell hole direction under the 4 systems of govt its had in the last 15p0 years the culture is more important

>>114511↪
france ate the rich then made napoleon emperor lmao

culture is culture.

>>114516↪
and then he was deposed and they put risks royals in power again lol

culture is important

that's why i believe in America a lot, if multi culti rainbow politics manages to exorcise the demons of christian fascism we can literally export liberal ideas of human unity before any other division to the world. a cultural victory for human mind, fuck ask governments. and i think that is happening i think the amount of people who believe in human unity and are anti discrimination is higher than ever that's why rightoids are trying to take over the world racism and nationalism are being seen as more and more wrong and evil

>>114525↪
yea for sure. its just scary if they win they can set us back decades.