got reminded just not while thinking
gotta work on the second essay I started last night on Holly n stuff

i might map out how i wanna write it
like 10 months ago id conceptualized a version that i talked abt the peep who mentored me n the person who went to prison for stuffs as two different ppl until i did the twist of it being the same person (apart of a wider piece that isnt solely abt her) but think thatd be too winding a way to write it n wanna be upfront n honest

is that a thing to propel it forward and then a bell on the back

or is this ai

ah

lol

thonk

can we not play smth spoiling a whole big game like dis sort . .

haiiii aleixi

i gotta check discy again . .

>still recovering from the hammering in of my past use of it as pure liquid stress

smh

aw

is it a site for work or school ?

ahh

i had to crunch my site n essay so i get it

aw

i had a hard deadline to get my site for the org/group im organizing to share writing out by at least the day before the 14th of last month, was putting off finishing the intro essay and the site itself but got it done

take care chu need n hope u can get the burst of energy to get through when ur able; is tough sometimes

reminds me to get some

wud make u aeropress coffee

are you from or in asia or smth? if not dw, is tough there w how they mostly only have instant

>>445496
awe ye i forgot brrrr

im exhausty

yh

oe

yea

i feel like i had a chat w u abt being there n that sorta topic sometime

maybe from before i used a name on here

also i still dunno how to feel abt seeing tipster in chats
tho i dont mind ppl w followings or such (even if past) being in communities of leftist or queer channels idk

youtuber

be glad u dont know

he kinda became a lowlcow for the commentary community

yeah like

i dont either buuut i mean in a general sense that it can help get more ppl into learning abt progressive ideas, tho i dont think anyone who stayed watching tipster like
has an interest in that unless theyre already left

he was a commentary youtuber

also omg idk if peeps know who this is either but
i was honestly so surprised, as much as it fits & makes sense, when aztrosist came out as trans
i watched her og videos in like high school when she made these edgy-ish sorta surreal shitposts n vids kinda like reminds me of the vibe you get from some of frank javcees stuff

it was like

i was watching a small drama/politics trans streamer im in the community of and
she raided aztrosist after i hadnt thought abt her for a few years

and suddenly i see n remember aztro started transitioning and was like O

ehe

sry im younger sad

i do it in the bg while i work

adhd intensely

yeah

i dated my first gf id met through aztrosist community

she loved lilac boy albums lel

this was the cia anti social personality disorder girl

but yeah
oh man
i remember i told her id felt i was trans and she started being like
religious sin talk abt how it was wrong
i wonder what she thinks now having aztro have come out n so much time have passed yk

>>445554
she had been in a weird like
she got offered to do a poli sci strategy thing in high school which turned out to be like a war games esc scenario trial thing that the intelligence community invited high schoolers to
she ended up getting a tour of & photos as the building and offered a job if she finished high school, though she dropped out due to being heavily heavily depressed

she was really interesting but also ver toxic yk

weird times, weird times

>>445541
but yeah, i think i had to 'speedrun' gaining this cus i became home bound due to health in early high school
had to learn how to meet n find community online for as long as things were that way

but i only rly find it in chatrooms of streams that have like 20~ ppl chatting (not at once but that 20 ppl are sending messages like they do here)
and meeting cool peeps through that

nuh

i find it depends but generally yeah

like there are terminally online knowledgeable streamers on such but not the kinds of good people you want to watch

im describing them that way cus of how they act

and yeah is weird

i hate it as a full on insult tho as well, like some ppl cant safely get connection in person yk (though this isnt an excuse to not go out n improve ur life, or call urself terminally online)

making coffee

lol

i havent gotten to try modafinil b4
is it similar to caffeine in the way it mainly affects (i forget the brain chemical name) what mainly keeps you awake unlike other stims w more dopamine esc idk

cus ik the effects n how ppl say it feels/how its used n it makes me think itd work that way, where it mainly stops u from getting tired unlike the extra effects of adderall or similar-

i mean incel came originally from women who yk were using it as a term to help better themselves n support each other
then it was found by channer type men and well

it was put through the mill of toxicity and into the public eye and became smth ppl used as a term to show their ideological alignment somewhat guh

would come be fren n keep company

sigh

feel that though . .
mainly feel stuck isolating self from not knowing almost anyone here anymore

and ouu i forgot ur there

i wanna maybe move back there someday if i stay in the US
was much more my speed of a place

is where the polycule/exes were that i lived w for a bit n visited a few times

-w-

ehe

wan
i didnt get to do much like explore things or go places i find cozy or would wanna cus they were neets i had to take care of n push to go out

as much of a shut in i can be
i would push thems to improve n better selves n go out
id go on several mile walks n stuffs

and yeah
i wanna find somewhere maybe inbetween rural or urban to close enough that can get into a city ish area or walk to even smth small
cus rent is so pricey

got some coffee

hia

sorta, but not the suburb type places like
found some locations i could rent for stuff more affordable than out here
but
yeah, myself mainly wan get an apartment somewhere affordable enough while rooming w peep(s)

not exactly right near the seattle depending on the situation n prices, i need to look again

hmph

was the peep trying to push peeps out of their own shells -w-

when my health n stuff is recovering n not living where i do rn, i manage a lot better n like to help peeps get out there how all i can
n keep company n give luv 2

when on mobile n about to eep am usually the same

while hugging shork

- v-

same⋯

;;

errr

great lakes area cri

ill meet u in the middle

:>

hehe

:3

i should play nonagon infinity

aw

<3

aw

i do . .

>>445698
#smooch
-3-

relistening to darknet diaries ep i listened to while i was nodding during tooth ache nakey on couch the other week

pat

idk a way to w/o macros

eep well cutes

im a lil buzzed, gonna write

i used beta, ill be working on a CSS theme for ppl thats light n a new color one 2

not fun

gonna have to have a lot done n high cost -.-

yes

is a mix of hereditary and being so depressed as a teen after becoming disabled that i gave up on caring for self at all cus i thought id die sigh

am doing better now relatively but now guh

i use dark modes but on this im typing on a crt that is semi dim so i use the beta theme

do what works for u peeps

aw

have u listened to king gizzard much if this is wh u queued straw ?
and patpat, lil precious thoughs pat

oop said pat three times guh

icic

awww

i have a lot of stuff from that sorta thing

mhm

i could probably trace back a lot in my case like that, i hope youve been able to make things work for self n proud to see u out doing stuff like youve been posting w struggles like that as well .3.

but awa
and err
ill queue for after but
had OCD and stuff socialized or passed down from my dad
n a lot of generational trauma esc stuff from my moms side due to all the stuff her n her mom went through n the circumstances her side came to the US
n yea. .

is tough w him cus i respect all he's done as a professional and how he worked w bands to help them grow as a small indie manager n booking concerts for 30+ yrs but
he's kind of the shitty that comes along w that
and being religious bwa

tho ive been trying to think abt how OCD was socialized or passed down like that recently

my mom is 9 yrs older than my dad
and my dad holds control of all the money n makes us figure out how we'll have enough to pay for groceries while he makes her buy like 2-3 or smth boxes of sugar free fancy like 8-10 $ boxes of ice cream bars while we eat the cheapest stuffs

yea . .
is tough n hope u have the freedom for urself in ways that help or can soons
but mhm, w him he sorta uses the idea that just because he deals w managing how we afford having a place to live & get insurance, that he can not have to rly help w the rest of the stuff
he doesnt go into stores or like go places other than work and regularly going to restaurants n stuff . .

is tough sometimes n i hope peeps have the ability to manage n have their own control, or soon can

lemme find a version that works
the king gizzard album is a concept album that can be played looping infinitely and it fades into itself

might be too much for some peeps i feel so isalr to skip for those who dont wan, and also once its a while in i dont mind skip

.play [YouTube]

these guys have put out like

i think its 25-30~ albums in less than ten years

i mean ppl who dont like prog rock lel

progressive rock

im gonna

; w;

this is a fan made version of the album w all the vids in it made to be like a movie .3.

king gizzard have done like 10 min songs i think, tho that as a genre is just jam rock or jam bands

i luv the video fx on dis one

they also have these crazy microtonal jazz rock like albums
they move between genres for each one, its kinda crazy

yea. .
i wish i had peeps i was so comfortable w as collaborative partners or peeps i was close to that i could have such motivation or ability to even make stuff to any level like even a % of how peeps like them do ~ u~

>ny l .. ? ;o
and mhmmm..

hehe cutie

yeah, i have to do a ctrl a and delete when i miss an alt tab and it puts in like i wanna reply to ppl

or whatever the key is . .
put the message above or whatevs' # into msg box

idk it happens to sometimes uhhh

tab key

.play [YouTube]

awe

i luv the specials n that album bwawa

makes me wanna queue streetlight manifesto

;w;

take care chu need to unwind or stuffs n get comfy again

went n got pizza from mod pizza place earlier after the stress of dentist

from what i could understand of lyrics in one of the recent albums of theirs i like, was a gud set of climate change music n songs abt stuffs

i luv the original flobots fight with tools album which is abt sort of protest n lyrics abt how the US n such have killed leaders of movements n countries n also talking about pissing on cop cars

but that sounds like a sorta sad lyric'

lyric song but probs is also some of what makes them most meaningful to peeps even on errr
sort of subtextual level, or im thinking of other word . .

ehehe aw

i also find flobots use of american flags interesting, it was an album/music vids from the 00s during the iraq war, n how they use it to symbolize the people against the actions being taken by the government
turning the sorta way its used to symbolize the people under the US as a government, idk, into a sign of protest when combined w the lyrics . .

i found out earlier in chat w mom in the car that my dad knows/has worked w for a long time one of the err idk if most famous or most relevant protest musicians from the UK aparently

apparently hecc

my dad doesnt mention who hes met knows or anything n never takes photos or anything so its like
ill learn random things like that guh

ouu, will check out in a while, hab it opened c:
think i know them from hearing abt them referenced in places bwa

the upfrontness or idk what word to use, but reminds me of some of the better corporate avenger songs n titles

tho w them having other songs like 'i dont fault the police' im like guh