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im just
guh.. havent eep and in feels a good bit so i understand n hope u can rest more laters
>>450119
terry
right
terry
hope you feel better ^^
sæкі
thanke...
sæкі
2595.png
is just err
sad times
::hug
but will be oki n i appreciate cuties putting up w dumb lonely to sad self so often bwawa
>>450128>>450133
Dakota
pretty happy i dont have a headache for once
sæкі
thats good to hear <3
sæкі
mines not too horrid rn
Dakota
i took too much pioglitazone on thursday and it fucked me up real bad for a few days
>>450134
terry
>>450127
btw i dont think ur dumb at all, you sound like a wonderful person :)
sæкі
>>450132
awww thats awful ;-; i hope its waning, sigh
Dakota
one is enough to make me a lil woozy and i accidentally took 2 thinking i missed the first
sæкі
does it like
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cause depressant or weird effects on top of the purpose in its own strange way or stuffs-?
Dakota
my blood sugar fell extremely low so i was covered in sweat and couldn't stop vomiting
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D; ono
straw bury
i wish i could just get drunk as shit
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i have low blood sugar myself :<
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but aww yeah i think u told us, i hope its fading from that level but yeah it gets so rough sometimes
Dakota
i aim for tipsy and relaxed too drunk i feel shitty the next day
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awe
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i took some kratom n pregablin
trying to break my OCD compulsion i realized was one after thinking id gotten past most of them
Dakota
right now i'm kinda where i wanna be almost done with my second drink and just cozy
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mhm
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had second smol cup of krat w 1.5-2 tsp in each
just to help calm the stress and migraine condition
Dakota
oof sorry u got a migraine
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isoki patpat
know the feel w ur stuffs though n hope is improving nows bwa
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deal w a strange neuropsych condition thats sort of manifesting from (c)ptsd and triggers physical/pain issues
so have these waxing waning migraines and aw
>>450170
Dakota
brb i gotta check washer see if ic an move to dryer
sæкі
yeee
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do whachu gotta do
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im so hoping to get outta here so the trauma n triggers can heal more n stop being such a pain w it, take care u all need, too
anon## global mod
#fish 🐟
fujo
FISH MY BELOVED
0.1103% bloober!boymodewng
#ksay shrimp
lain from computers
fish
fujo
fish
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and fishe c:
haiheyo mod again
lain from computers
#ksay shrimp
terry
GIWTWM
terry
as someone who has dealt with severe anxiety myself i know the feeling of physical pain one can get from an anxiety attack/trigger very well. but it will get better i promise <3
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yea
is sorta like
a more neuro psych combo of that called FNSD of functional neuro. symptom disorder, changed from the kinda ugh name of conversion disorder in the past
>>450180
Dakota
still on rinse :(
faye
ughhhhhhhj
faye
or anyone hhhhh
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its a disorder that like
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for ex a case of a high school football player who had trauma surrounding not being enough for his dad
he was like the best or one of on the team and
the hurt n trauma lead to a loss of vision in one of his eyes
terry
>>450173
yeah it's really underappreciated in our society just how much our mental status can affect our physical health. it's somehow expected that the average person can live with near constant anxiety/stress and them just having to deal with it while it slowly chips away at their soul
#hug
faye
t5¿
Dakota
uuugh not gonna be in bed till like 130 in the morning
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with no clear physical reason as to why
but he was very clearly unable to see w it and it didnt improve until the thing it manifested from was worked through over time
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its a scary issue, its a thing i try not to go into cus of just the pure amt of ppl who treat it as if youre not rly experiencing anything, as my first dr did and i wont dive into but
>>450185
terry
>>450184
it's something that i think is inherited from the religious background of most of the world and especially western society, the body is treated as profane and capable of being hurt by physical forces but somehow the mind/spirit is sacred and completely separate from the rest of the body and thus not subject to the same pressures as the rest of the body
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2820.png
that guy caused me insane abuse i avoid ever going back to
::hug
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but the stuffs caused me inability to properly walk w balance on my own in the first early yr n a bit after that less so for 1.5~ yrs
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was likely triggered from losing mentor/friend n only trans friend to suicide at 14~
stuff that heavy or intense on self is smth peeps need to care for selves over even if think is only emotional. .
can get to weigh enough n some peeps get stuffs like dis in rare rare cases
and isoki hug
was a long time ago nows n writing smth abt her lately cus err
>>450190
Dakota
ok ramen it is i'm not gettin in bed anytime soon so i may as well try to get some food down
>>450193
sæкі
have talked w lain n peeps abt who she was as she was a
long story but had been in a situation n hacker group that is now trying to be turned into heccin movies no one involved wants
(as she faced prison time along w others, sad)
thasall ill say for nows but may share the story i think is important when done
>>450192
terry
>>450191
it's okay, i completely understand. trauma is something that we all deal with in our unique and deeply personal ways
0.1104% bloober!boymodewng
>>450189
ewwwwwww you're really gonna eat RAW MEN smh
sæкі
mhmm
but was like
dunno, when things hit a breaking point for some peeps it can snap into smth like a million things n was the chronic waxing waning migraine n walking issues, walking issues i recovered from by being able to escape this awful house that all the trauma is in...
but got stuck again n so its like ugh -u-
terry
1500.gif
you're a very strong and capable gal for having been able to cope and live through this stuff for so long. im sure you'll manage to overcome it all <3
>>450196
you can absolutely feel free to dump as much as you want to, we will never judge you for it :)
::hug
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9443.png
bwaaaa
peeps are too sweet n kind, but rly appreciate chu n everyone here, always
dont mean to dump stuffs on peeps but am here as well if able to be there or do anything to help n listen whenevers, too
::boymoder pat
>>450195
sæкі
11698.jpg
hughug thanke, isoki, just feel err
hate sharing a lot of this cus of instilled feeling i know isnt smth i should feel as if im a burden from dummies treatment
but working through stuffs n took anti anxiety/panic med to hopefully ease self into doing what ive been wanting to all day n finally respond to and add more peeps from here on discord n stuffs
::hug
>>450198
terry
>>450197
ive dealt with the feeling of being a burden on others myself for so long too and still kinda do, but we gotta realize that in the end we're literally doing nothing and that this is just a form of imposter syndrome. either the people we're around can listen to us and help us overcome or deal with what we're going through with whatever they can or they simply dont care about us really. that's personally what i've learnt from my experience from that sort of stuff
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mhm, appreciate peeps being real abt stuff like that n im sorry you have to carry it to when wanting to try and be open or however it maybe for chu
its tough n yea is a similar or linked kind of issue for self and a lot of peeps
n mhm . .
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have been stuck in this mindset n thought pattern set as a way to just survive even though it had me isolate n i hate being such n all
but pushed myself to start even the little thing of talking on places like here n trying to break the compulsion to not use discord or such spots as i like talking to peeps. . sigh
>>450202
anon
hi guise :3
Dakota
ok i back ramen smells good kinda making me hngry
sæкі
and haiiio
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boop
0.1105% bloober!boymodewng
boop
Dakota
its much better than greasy fried chicken
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yayyy
Dakota
its like i eat less meat lately and i feel kinda better when i dont eat a lot
anon
hi
Dakota
hi
Dakota
gotta smile
straw bury
>>450216
im rlly emotionally weak and easily manupulated if u wanna take advantage of me
>>450219
Dakota
i fake smile and people love it
anon
>>450217
be emotionally stoic instead
straw bury
but then how r u gonna make me cry by being mean to me and then shower me with affection so that i become irreversibly dependant and attacked 2 u
>>450222
straw bury
*attached
anon
>>450220
i don't think there's a feeling worse than having someone obsessed with you
straw bury
ur so mean 2 me :(((((( pls stawp.....
Dakota
i'm bad with real realtionships so i just do grindr stuff
straw bury
maybe i should go on a dating site
Dakota
even those kinda mess with me i keep it physical and when they want more i usually ghost
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sry i crashed
Dakota
i'm eatin
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>>450223
, ;-;;;
wish u had peeps around where u were that made you not have to feel this
gon make me have to come up there n prove some1 cares istg aha
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wrong one but yk..
straw bury
ur so kewl saeki
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bwaa
trying to just be open n honest cus of feeling u rly are sweet n deserving of care urself
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n cus i care abt chu n peeps i know lots bwa
straw bury
thenks saeki ur so nice
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qcirhxbqhyr31.webp
aa
shy
wish i could better formulate my feels and thoughts into expressing them but
really think u are 2 bwaa, n not deserving of feeling stuffs like the weight of as if no one near u does ;;
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1500.gif
if i can get my dental stuff dealt w or spaced out n not like
i dunno
hope maybe to be able to make it out of here for even a period of time when thats dealt with
and ;;; aa
::hug
straw bury
saeki ur like literally the sweetest person ever ;-;
Dakota
yeh she's pretty nice
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shy gdbjgck
but rly appreciate n think ur real incredibly sweet urself bwa
except for when someone deserves peep not to be eheh
Dakota
i'm a narcissist can't help it
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heh
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B)
Dakota
i get it from my mom lol
Dakota
sigh i want another drink but i know better
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awww
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mhm take ur time n have some water if chu can
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though i get that urge w how things feel when err
even sharing a bit of self
Dakota
the main issue is i still got 2 days of work
Dakota
and i mostly just wanna relax n sleep
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mhm ;;
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yeah
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i hope u can even if not for so long or the amt you need just yet, i hope soon its a good amt of time to take away from things n alls
Dakota
the ramen was good btw so much better than the fst food
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nice nice c:
i might have or make the fried rice a lil n then have one of the lil tiny sees candy piece given to me n mom for bdays
anon
given up on romantic prospects, now i just want to be pretty to make other people jealous
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would share w cuties if i could tbh
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:<
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hhh
Dakota
dryer needs tohurry so ican fold it and go to sleep
Dakota
i'm so comfy right now it'd be ideal to just lie down but nooo
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mmmh yeah
i saw a steelcase chair at the community yard sale earlier but didnt have the 10 extra to get it, was an old cheap model thoughs
gonna try n get a used liquidated nice one thatll be comfy n supportive of my bacc n stuff soon
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though heccin... these chairs, ones that are old n still out going for 100-200 on some auction type sites
the business just threw it n a ton of other stuff into the trash n the church took it to save it from landfill n get to peeps
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is sad
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would be so nice to have a desk n all again w a chair i could share w peep or have spot they can sit near or across n so on from meh
was coziest times when was like that aa
Dakota
my left ear is pierced 3 like that buti just got hoops
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ooo
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im gonna buy an ear cuff again, is based off same couple i took dis name from in ref to in DRRR
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~3~
Dakota
nice
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(use this name cus is for writing pen name n such)
Dakota
i had some cheap zoro styled earrings that looked supercute but my skin haaated them after like a few days
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, ;0
Dakota
i use this name cuz its my real name lol
Dakota
post a pic, is it the pink haired person?
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i had gotten an ear cuff like its in errr
Dakota
aw cute
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2019 or earlier, was at a lil booth for local accessory/earing maker at the err
Dakota
3rd drink not needed i'm enjoying the cozy of this
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dad books folk school's concert hall n they hab a festival in the summer w interesting stalls
n found ear cuff but
sadly lost its
Dakota
i hated school so much i ended up dropping out
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yeah
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is a music school
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like
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one you go to outside of school to learn how to play a genre specific or an instrument n similar stuffs
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would describe moar but is semi dox yk x
but happy to share some stuffs if ever add peeps somewhere n all, mainly cus hab pics of self in city for it i like but is w/o how i kinda hide my face on the board ~ w~
Dakota
oh its fine
Dakota
i'm mostly herre but i'm a lil fuzzy lol
Dakota
thank ye for the flowers
Dakota
i used to hide my face but someone on 4chan leaked my unsee so i was like fuck it this is who i is
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been there
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am under dis name to do the bare minimum in push for making self a new path . .
Dakota
the leak was a blessing for me it made me stop hiding
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i just dont share parts of face cus of the sensitivity of what i might write or share n if ppl get too many eyes of the wrong kind from uh places
>>450449
sæкі
pretty :D
pat
Dakota
happy in my car
straw bury
goodnite stinkers im sleebing now
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aww
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sleep well <3
straw bury
also dakota ur pretty
Dakota
oh oh i got the celica all fixed up
Dakota
ty ty
fujo
waaaaaaaow
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15251.gif
think u all rly are from what ive seen hehe
::vibin
straw bury
ok good nite fr
anon
image.png
@the one namefren who asked about my shedinja team
Dakota
night i'm off soon just waiting on laundry to dry
sæкі
^v^
Dakota
my favorite pokemon is beedrill
>>450328
sæкі
sweet dreams x
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ehe
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i luv the cute ball/fren shape version of shaymin
Dakota
then persian
Dakota
i like the basic shit lol
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and luv sylveon n victini n stuffs
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would have to think who my least fav is
Dakota
kingler is pretty cool too
Dakota
my sunburn is peeling so bad lol
Dakota
hrt can make u very uv sensitive so be careful out there
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awww
anon
i think shedinja is my favorite as of recently
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yeah ive been starting to use it when im going out nows
the climate getting worse worse here has made it a big worry im noticing n being careful of nows
anon
at least top 3
Dakota
i seroulsly burned like bad in just 20 mins of direct sun
>>450346
sæкі
D; d'awww
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waiting on my vial to be delivered in next couple days
Dakota
if i wasn't wearing my floppy hat it would have gotten my face
Dakota
i got the teeth lol
anon
>>450348
can you post a closer pic of your mouth, preferably wide open
Dakota
my teeth in the back are fucked from puking so nah
anon
i only care about that uvula babe
Dakota
lol fine gimme a sec u can see my awful teeth tooh
sæкі
had to get my new treament plant started today
so stressed abt the cost my dental work is gon be n the time itll take sigh
Dakota
i got medicade but still dont go because dentist scares me bad
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yh ;-;
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mhm
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aww
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i have to cus of just
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hereditary issues n had lost the hope to care for self during teen yrs of struggling w abuse stuffs
n dealing w finally trying to fix all of it is just sigh
mhm...
Dakota
mine deteroriated faster on hrt and other stuff tho like they were kinda holding on and then nah
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hadnt even thought abt that unless
Dakota
last dentist i saw wanted to demo the entire mouth and its like i can still eat and stuff so i dont want
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ur doing sublingual
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my dentist had to have me today for 3~ hrs and was teasing me the entire time
Dakota
yeah 4 pills a day
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yeah
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sublingual can make it worse sad
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try to personally stick to injections (diy) to fight to do what i can to not affect where things are already bad
Dakota
my mom had awful teeth too
Dakota
like as long as my smile holds up i'm able to shrug off pain and infections
sæкі
and awww ;-;
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mine isnt great but i dont rly like smiling w teeth out anyways . .
Dakota
i'm gonna swap to injections after my breasts settle in a size they like
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i hope it comes together wells
Dakota
read too many trans women losing ground when they made the swap
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and lel
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ic
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im starting again straight onto subq injection so hoping itll be as positive as last period i had access was
n yeee
pretty peeps aa
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yeaa .3. thasgud thoughs i havent rly done or known as many ppl irl doing only pills or stuffs so mainly used to injections as they were all i was interested in >~<
Dakota
from what i've read pills are good for booba but injections help with general feminization better
sæкі
but thasgud for that time fram n hope its been helping chu get to where u wan be this bit into it
Dakota
i'm pretty happy so far like i et a lot of male attention which is affirming
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ehehe
cutes
was getting a bit n a lil aaa stuffs but have memory holed a lot i need to try n face again
n mhm. .
Dakota
i'm on 100mg spiro twice a day too so from what i can tell it doesn't really stunt titties
sæкі
745.png
gonna likely, depending on other factors maybe only for a time, be monotherapy and nicuu, wanna get one when i have the chance or option in the future
::shy
wish chu the best w its c:
Dakota
orchi is planned tho
Dakota
i'm trying to figre outhow to get medicade to pay for my nut removal
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mhmm
need to start planning out how i can w mine or idk aaa
but yeah thats the struggle for me
Dakota
they will its just you gotta find the dr to make them
Dakota
since i'm in the south its not all easy
sæкі
aww yea especially, can imagine ;;v;;;;
hope maybe theres a path — unsure w medicaid — to do it maybe somewhere that there are more n can see more easily
Dakota
i always figure it out eventually
Dakota
evenif not i got money put aside
Dakota
its just they take so many thousands and its tedious
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mhm
sæкі
is what im having to deal w rn w dental
so just stressed abt all the other stuff i likely wont be able to work out until i find a solid path to working
trying to get way to access train a good while away n use that to find things
Dakota
my laser was like 6 grand
Dakota
between that, car, bills and general dr stuff i'm usually broke
Dakota
so i've discovered something like on 4chan and other gloomy places they say u gotta voice train so hard but i just raise mine a lil and literally nobody genders me male
sæкі
theres a lot of these hyper like
tryhard may fit but
you gotta do 1000s of hrs of work before youll get gendered right ever idea
Dakota
i just be me and everything works
Dakota
like if it was ppl i know i'd be concerned but half of these are angry customers cussing me out and calling me a dumb bitch or telling my boss the white woman is causing problems
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15126.gif
mhmm, am glad for chu n hope ur finding way thats coming along well w peeps locally
::pat
Dakota
so if mad strangers gender me female i'm not worried anymore lol
sæкі
ye, is nice big step to make n think ur doing real well, glad to see n happy for chu :>
Dakota
might be the titties
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lel
think the like one thing a person sense leads to them getting weird or gendering differently then when able to match even a lil of the preconception can be able to present in a way that peeps treat you how you may feel comfortable or safer as or as self
Dakota
i'm 6'1 like 140 pounds they are painfully obvious
Dakota
when i stopped caring if people gendered me fmale is when it started happening more
Dakota
i dunno what changed physically but something a few months back it went from people calling me fag to dumb bitch or stupid whore
sæкі
n yea
being so caught up in it causes a lot of just
being hung up on lil things while not pursuing what makes u feel fits better n then ppl seeing that n recognizing how ur presenting or are or whatevs cant word guh but
doing one thing to perfection while not doing the rest makes it just impossible to be able to make it to that point in a time that the peeps who care can take at times idk
Dakota
i have painfully sassy body language
Dakota
its where the da'keesha name came from
sæкі
trying to dl game guh extracting keeps failing n gotta re dl and oooo
Dakota
i'm gonna sleep in like 10 mins
Dakota
i think the other thing to me "passing" is simply because i'm in my 30s and women my age aren't as perfectly cute anymore
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eep well if n when u do, hope u had a while to care for n relax self to unwind tonights
sæкі
and heh pat
yea the idea that all women look x y z in these spaces like a lot of chan boards gets to me n for older peeps its not fair or smth they even understand a lot of the time idk -v- but also is when u can kind of present in a way n people arent as looking u up n down as some may a young person
Dakota
girls in their 20s i'm not even gonna try to compare to but women my age we aren't that different anymore
Dakota
i look like a middle aged soccer mom type
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younger lel yawn
kate
.play gup cat
sæкі
::nae nae
Dakota
well i'm off gotta work in like 12 hours
sæкі
lel and cya! rest well n sweet dreams o7 nice to chat w peeps
Dakota
sleep, shower, eat and back at it
sæкі
take the care u need n best wishes w work until you get that time off for even a lil
Dakota
i get 3 days off in a row its pretty heavenly
Dakota
night
sæкі
:'D gn!
sæкі
n hai kate
kate
Would normally be sleepy rn but I finally went for a walk and accidentally fell so I'm like addrenalinized.
anon
my cat voted for trump
sæкі
ooo n gon eat then rest finally
making tamale
n -v-
kate
.play where we going now norman bambi
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it be
sæкі
i shud get high or smth sometime n rewatch sgt frog
>>450462
sæкі
watched it as a preteen i think
sæкі
:<
kate
Ah it's on bandcamp but not youtube
[Bandcamp]
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ooo ye i got no result running through recognition tool cus of that too, probs
sæкі
had tamale
gon hab lil choccy n some water n stuffs
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gei
anon
sleepover when
anon
im in new england
sæкі
some peeps here r but not lived there since i was a kid sry
tho wish there was a eepover
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snuggly wants
lain from computers
anyone else ever computing
>>450493
sæкі
always sync'd into puter compooting
lain from computers
fed my pc a pre roll through the optical drive and it sync'd into the couch
sæкі
pc taking a hit to its performance i see
lain from computers
yeah the pc runs worse but its way cooler now
lain from computers
yep
sæкі
lol
sæкі
i had err
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one coffee scotchmallow
man i luv sees but gon be eating a lot less sugary stuffs going forward, tho try to start eating moar as to help when starting HRT
sæкі
is so gud
anon
wake up feel bleh, no good news
anon
bejita
anon
bejita bejita bejita bejita
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is marshmellow, coffee bean stuffs n caramel
anon
i feel shit cuz I didn't ever get to transition before society became shit, and now I'm really transitioning but society is shit now, I feel like I missed out on so much, because I didn't get to transition before society became shit
sæкі
:c
sæкі
well hey
sæкі
transitioning is a screw u to the societal pressures n ideas it forces on u, doing so now might be seemingly worse w the gov being what it is but
a lot more normal peeps are accepting nows
and theres no invalid or time u should hold urself from allowing self to transition even if has to be smth u keep a lil hidden other than to peeps u trust, ur local community or even just online spaces to start
>>450492
anon
>>450491
>doing so now might be seemingly worse w the gov being what it is but
exactly, that's exactly what i mean
sæкі
oooo nicu
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lel
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this reminds me of the spell/hex magic looking circle thing kate sent yday
anon
i miss when obama was president so much, feels like that was the closest the usa ever came to being normal
sæкі
programming language made of visual tarot esc esoteric symbols n circles
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i mean
anon
laws changing to be more lgbt friendly and closest the usa ever came to not being an ethnostate ie not all the way there but felt like it was the only time the usa was becoming closer to normal
sæкі
the thing is
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he may have been for you
but he also deported a world of people
drone striked and did more violence abroad than trumps first term
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like
sæкі
until we make serious change, a leader like this is always gonna enforce the violent system of control we're stuck under, but
being there n sticking together while showing your resistance while coming out in a time like this-
is one of the strongest things u can show abt self n knowing of who u are or want to work towards being, even if unsure where u wan end up et
>>450507
sæкі
yet*
sæкі
but yeah the whole thing sucks that the only person who tried to anesthetize, at least, changing things was followed by such intense forces of reaction
mainly cus he didnt follow through on actually changing things ;/
and he was stopped from being able to choose a supreme court nominee or such things cus of the right blocking up the pipes of government
>>450508
anon
>>450504
i feel like there's a widely spread myth that the usa socially progresses faster and equalizes faster than it really does
anon
>>450506
i really wanted to be openly trans online as soon as I got laser hair removal, but by the time I finally got that, transphobia in society had massively spread and radicalized
sæкі
the US is stuck holding up a status quo that is still incredibly bad
and cus of the deregulation n lowering of taxes for the wealthy, the ppl in the bottom 90~% have to deal with the issues for themselves sigh
but
yeah, its something that can be helped, but you have to be intolerant of intolerance & not reach across the isle to meet in the middle with people who want to control or outlaw the bodies of the people u claim to fight for, sigh
>>450511>>450512
lain from computers
>>450493
lego mindstorm
anon
>>450509
yeah it's like a 400 years old country approximately, thats four long lived peoples lifetimes, and now it seems like, the whole change/progress thing either never lasts here or does not happen fast enough
anon
>>450509
yeah can't reach across the isle to people who want a cissoid only hetero only white ethnostate
sæкі
i think its aisle im eepy? lel aha
sæкі
misspelled oop
but yeah the idea that we have to be civil with people who literally want to kill not only trans ppl but immigrants n their opposition
like
the whole thing that biden just didnt act or do anything to stop us from going the route of deportations to a concentration camp that no prisoner has left alive from
>>450518
sæкі
but i bring up all the diff issues as they all intersect n u can imagine how awful itd be for a trans immigrant whos sent there n such
is smth we all have to work together n fight as it is a shared enemy of totalitarianism and authoritarianism if not wanting to say fascism for some people just yet (idrc care abt the labeling beyond the practicalities of most people recognizing how bad things rly are)

>>450518
for a long long time before our current modern society there have been international things like 3rd gender/NB identities & things like
>>450518
anon
>>450514
trans people/queer people/immigrants/anyone non-ethnic white/non-christians, all these 400 years it's always been one of those being hunted, imprisoned or killed, and we get taught in schools about progress and how equality was obtained /etc/etc/ yet it feels in reality its not enough
>>450517
one of the first propaganda videos maga did was a propaganda video against trans immigrants
>>450517

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