>>760881
I need you to inject me with Normal juice

I think I have some kind of undiagnosed bipolar

being near my friend who is bipolar has gotten me thinking lately

I will take a listen

DAE entertain the thought that the state is throttling your internet so you can’t play tf2 to chillax bc they have the intention of inducing you out of a window

rock out babey wahooo

i made a joke about soytoken (sleep token) and these two people gave me the fluoride stare

Hnnghh aghh... What you fucking mean you don't like Disney Adult Metal ... It's PROG ok !!

its so bad i had to listen to a whole album on a walk with this guy bc i thought he was gonna top himself

do you like anything industrial strawb

no but i fucking love meshuggah my brother showed me them during lockdown

i would take pictures of my cats looking epic and put them on ig with meshuggah songs

.play [YouTube]

i like bleed the most

music like this makes me want to pogo up and down and trade elbow strikes with other people

>>760971
EVERYONE ABANDONS ME

>>760980
i cant enjoy chess unless im constantly attacking and wearing the enemy down

the problem is that i trade pieces too much in order to put them into a shit position and i havent quite refined my technique yet

also my style only really works on people who are mid-level at best bc ppl who know what they're doing dont get stressed out at attacks so easily

i insisted on 10 minute timers with my friend bc she was the type to take 5 minutes every go and she would usually beat me

im a demoralising type of field commander

>>760978
Is that a dinosaur there

why is being a south park conservative a thing but not being a king of the hill conservative

i miss playing total war mp

i was a true commander in that game

i hate late game bc it doesnt feel like you have formations on a battle map

i would play chess again if it had a morale system

you do seem to be genuinely depressed which maybe didnt fully occur to me at first

is everything ok in strawb land

dont mention hebrew that guy from earlier will spawn in

>>761064
one time i scared this guy who was a potential fent clone bc he complimented my shirt that said CEREMONY on it (he thought it was joy division) and i said something like "hell yea joy division is great music to dance to yourself at 4am before swallowing a bunch of pills and dying"

>>761074
you might like a lot of the songs they're very #depressioncore

sort of

lemme send you a couple of songs. its post punk so it might not be your thing. the vocals take a little getting used to. you might like it you might not.

[YouTube] extremely sad guy letting the days bleed into the next type beat

[YouTube] same guy when he has a mental breakdown and goes to a club and starts dancing like a maniac protagonist in an indie sadguy film

if you like that kind of thing. you know where to find me. [disappears into shadows]

anyway im showing you this bc i felt when i was sad and taking extremely long baths in the candlelight this kind of music was sort of comforting

>>761096
i mean maybe you wont but i think its fun and nice to share music when you're sad

im personally more of a new order guy. its the same band but without the singer who hung himself. really sad story, i recommend watching the biopic on it if you're interested. new order does a lot of similar songs but then segues into dance rock/new wave/acid house throughout their very long career

>>761099
no problem lil buddy

if you want to see the place these people came from just type "salford 1980s" into google images or just look at the place today

i lived in salford for about a year

place is like partly ruins. i used to just chill in these half demolished halls talking to birds and cats

kind of quiet and mysterious tho theres a lot of organised crime there. phone shops and gypsy/scouse type shit going on

[Wikipedia] film about ian curtis, singer of joy division
[Wikipedia] extremely funny film about the wider manchester music scene, joy division and new order feature heavily in it

i learned about katrina through watching the movie bad lieutenant: port of call new orleans as a kid

my mum paused the film to give a rather embellished account of it

went on this odd rant about america in the middle of the whole thing so i just wikipediaed it later

fucking horrible

>>761120
cant even imagine being there and seeing that

wow

>>761128
maybe this is odd to say but thinking about things like that now makes me wish to live in or form some more cohesive society which will be able to deal with horrible things like that better

like would i rather deal with a katrina/etc type scenario in the states where everyone seems to hate eachother or a place like denmark

jesus

i should calm myself and not think about the possibility of events like this happening within my lifetime

2000 dead

i never knew it was that high

apparently they fibbed about how many people died in grenfell (tower block flame that happened here, knew people who had relatives and friends in there)

i suppose its healthy to acknowledge to yourself that yes these bad things are going to happen again in our lifetimes but communities have been proven over and over again to band together and look after eachother

>>761151
im enjoying it

.play [YouTube]

i am still awake

i might go into town

thinking of doing a blood pact with my friend

my previous blood pact on my hand healed so i guess that means that pact is over and i can make a new one

that is how it works

dont you go to shows n such

you go with people right

thats honestly still a good way to meet people

just go into the smoking area and be like omg nice outfit?? hey is that a XYZ shirt?? damn you guys are cool mind if i join

the outside world isnt divided into shitty high school cliques

ive looked really busted at times and been the life of the party

people at the end of the day are socially drawn towards people who seem genuine, fun, kind, etc. looking good is obviously a nice thing to have. i mean ,you're looking for friends not trying to like pick up chixxxx to banggg right? you dont need to worry about the way you look. you look fine by the way i think your depression is telling you you're worthless

i had a similar period where i would just look in the mirror and cry at how ugly i thought i looked in my early 20s. it sucked ass. then i found people who dragged me outside and then i met people who were all like omg you're actually really cool, wow you're hot you're just my type!! hey you're nice wanna swap deets etc etc

you're already kind of a social butterfly on here and thats easily transferable to irl

i have to level with you here a lot of people like a nasally tranner

its like an endearing slightly dorky trait

when we're depressed we're often like shocked and appalled to find out that people like us much more than we like ourselves

anyway what i guess im trying to say is i was a shut in depressed mentally ill dysphoric person but i guess there was still a nice person who people really liked and im glad i went out there and spoke to people so they could help me realise that was me

even if you dont talk to anyone just dance and vibe to shit, sometimes people will just see you and think you're cool and dance with you

idk man women seem to love long haired faggy lookin amabs

like you've seen me right? i also kind of have a not very feminine voice and i kinda got the autism voice too

you look more fem than me i kinda look like if you crossed a single dad with a butch lesbian but thats ok i like myself

>>761191
yea over the past month or so i just forgot how to sleep

>>761199
sleepless in brainwormland

of course that would be fun

i gotta stay away from those amphetamines though or i go cuhhraayyzeee

amphetamines and nerdy chubby t guys just keep me away from that

>>761205
nightnight

anyway i dont mean to be an annoying parent but have you considered going on more walks and maybe trying some stuff out with dumbbells

my favourite twitter account (lindyman) talks often about how scandinavians hide away entirely during the winter and become incredibly depressed. even when the sun is not out, a walk through the cold is still pretty vital to keep your mood up

TA are you Lindypilled (TA = twinkanon)

yeah im not gonna make you do something if you think it might compromise your safety but i just ignore or smirk when people look at me now

i think i look visibly "odd" compared to people here but a lot of people are still kind to me

>>761221
https://x.com/PaulSkallas Master Skallas aka the guy who got luigi mangione to shoot the dude

>>761225
they're fags and they're jealous that they had a faggy phase in college but they never followed through on it so all they do is project their self hatred onto you. i know this sounds like something a mom would say to her kid getting bullied but the older i get the more true it rings

this guy i met at the millionaire swinger house kind of affirmed that to me

he was talking about how i needed a haircut and shit and how weird it was i was openly being bi and fruity and talking about how i used to be openly trans and then 3 beers later it turned into him lamenting his lack of social life and how i probably "got more" than him

you're not gross you're 18

when i was 18 i was a weird little redpilled semi-nazi

well that was me when i was 16 when i was 18 women fixed me. thanks women

how do you know that

whenever i have feelings like that they dissipate whenever i actually go out and talk to people and i can feel that they enjoy talking to me

>>761238
i mean i have those thoughts quite often but a lot of the time i can rein it in and be like "oh thats my psychosis/bpd/depression/etc speaking. anyway i got shit to do today and people to meet"

i think you're not doing enough Happy Things That Make You Feel Good so you're just alone with these self hating paranoid thoughts

theres a reason why you almost never meet a happy neet

i mean cis women who do that have pretty severe problems too

a lot of women feel like their whole existence is defined by their social role and what they mean to others so self isolation is like a destruction of themselves

also you're forgetting theres a few unique perks of Being Trans In 2025 America

you're going to have a harder life than others but i think theres a lot of really unique and cool stuff you can do

lets say easy access to cis woman chasers and turn that into a moderate pawsitive

i always liked them tbh

i dont feel mad i just often sometimes feel like im talking to my younger self and how i wished they had people to talk to that were at least moderately helpful which i feel like this place is doing

22 year old babytrans me was like ... talking to insane discord troons who tried to convince me i had DID and shit

also that woman who fucked machine girl and wanted me to go live with her in her stinky weed cave with a harem of other skinny white guys/trans women i sure as hell am glad i didnt take her up on her offer

>>761260
yea i later screamed at machine girl at a concert YOUR DISCORD ADMIN GROOMED ME!!!!!

i mean it wasnt like that but there was a clear like gap in power

>>761265
i heard they're really good at oral lmao

yea i forget sometimes

been a while since ive theyed someone else

i think 4 of my friends they/them me, 2 she/her me, and another 2 he/him me

>>761270
theyre like 33

i guess what i also wanna say is

a lot of the people you look up to here or elsewhere went through the stuff you're going through and came out at least pretty alright

It Does Get Better (But You Have To Try)

thats great im proud of you

yeah honestly its as easy as just seeing someone who has a really good outfit or a band shirt of a band you like

remember though theres a lot of people who go out to clubs who have bad social skills so if they mega fail at talking to you back, its their problem not theirs

a lot of people in their teens and early 20s seem to be like this. i kinda dont remember it being this way when i was younger. i do think gen z has kind of a problem, probably relating to covid. Anyway It's Not You It's Them

youll do fine

ok one last thing (for now) please dont get on the apps and talk to people much older than you

ok thats a blessing in disguise

just thinking of this friend i had who was a trans girl whose life was just like hating herself, doing nothing but watching movies, begging money from grandma to buy movie collection stuff (i cant hate on the collecting but still), and having sex with these deeply broken much older men she met on discord

not a way to live shes a bitch but i hope shes doing better

yea apps mostly suck anyway

im here 2 halp