got lil snack

c:

pickol silly

havent had one in long time

hru??

~<~

nicu

oooo!

which?

howve u been?

>>770938
no.

ur lovely

i might pass out i wanna cri myself for idk

ily peeps i gah

i wanna just run away or get somewhere even in this region peeps can escape to idk

well the erm
the issue is that i need to sort it out or have peeps who can mutually sort it out together so can get out

>>770960
well if u need personal experience or anecdotes

just so happens im having convo about trying to leave here atm but thats just how the midwest be

i hate tornadoes n they give me immense stress n dread

climate crisis have made it get much worse so is real scary
but if not for those id maybe live in this area but also i may go to the city or smth, the small small city idk

im gonna check the price of rent where im thinking n see if its a possible thing that could, better, afford renting a worm or smth

lel

dont make me count how many i have uhh

have never had in person sexual relationship w any afab peeps bwa

huh- pre-?

oh yeh

i dated a lot of amab people who later came out as trans or werent on treatments yet n were trans

aw

u can still take low dose or pills n get a lot of the effects that u'd benefit from w/o the body stuff that u might not want put at risk, tho is up 2 u what u actually want

i get treated odd

i dont think ive talked about, maybe will tomorrow or if i stay up

logging into my VM to open a calculator n do math on the amount of times ive [redacted] cus im bored asf

agender right

hmmm im

if i dont pass out i think im uninhibited enough to maybe do shot

but

>>770978
>>771020

im marking down numbers and thinking

and i want to setup a TI emulator for work thing

gah lonely hours

gah i dont wanna say the number i came to recalling what i can but its

not crazy high but a few

just a fun exercise in memory for me while exhausty

:(

basically presumably

tabloid right

ah

ugh

yeh

i do not like people

i become more and more aware every day that i just dont like people

>>771114
omg heya luz

missed u but :<

hi saeki

im going through it rn and people who i knew were really not helping

hey thats okay
im sorry youre carrying all that though, in similar mental space too

its kinda serious tho

im lowkey in the active process of dying

lowkey tho

hhh whats

how so

i am straight up not eating enough food

no dying like that

:C

pretty serious ED as ive learnt and slowly come to realise

yeah

try to erm

pls just do smth small tonight if u can n all

ive eaten tonight and i had lunch also today

oki

im really glad, but it all as a whole for past while - im really sorry

get the feeling thoughs w hopeless loneliness eating away

why do you say this

im feeling that n might pass out but im just depress

>>771142
im pretty functional currently, i simply have stopped eating enough because i really dont like eating food and yeah i just dont like eating food and its really difficult for me. i can still remain a functional person despite not eating food

isolated n lonely
but yeh i was saying i might be like

unin or disinhibited enough that i maybe able to just give in n do it i idk

>>771150
in the most respectful way, i am straight up refusing to eat food a lot of the time because i dont like food

i could explain it but i might be a bit too dead at the moment, though yeah

>>771155
its not fun rly

it gets really heavy on the body n straining

but anyways as to why i hate people, the people who i was discussing with in essence just said "you just have to eat you just have to make urself eat like you have to eat because then youll be put in a feeding tube" and i was like "feeding tubes are scary" and then they were like "well yeah so is dying like you just gotta bully yourself into eating" and i was like "i dont wanna be put in a feeding tube :(" and then they started talking about how if it gets really bad then theyll put an oxygen tube in you and thats EVEN WORSE and it was really scary and i didnt like it and it was really scary because they were literally doing the exact thing i didnt want them to do

im sorry
thats not i gah
just an awful thing to put on peeps in a mental space where already dealing w all of that n

yeah

i have so much hate in my heart and i think its caused by a lack of faith in people :(

and also because im honestly a massive cunt like omg i love making fun of people on the street however only amongst myself and my friend

u aren't those things even if thinking so it's things eating away at u that are just coming from a lot of directions, not from u being such

>>771170
yeh

it can be a thing that most people face in response to those kind of situations n the hurt, the emotions that come with it

it doesnt make you bad or awful or any of those things

hope chu two can again sometime

heya

did u get banned again like last night

or recent before that

shreiemp

making a pic

>>771170
oh yeah im not ACTUALLY hateful person but i LOVE hating people

i love having hate in my heart