it's 1am i dont think anywehre is open :c

and i feel nauseas from not eating all day

idk why this happens no matter how much i improve myself or get more mentally healthy or eat more or whatever i need to do, no matter what, out of nowhere, i just feel terrible one day and some tiny insignificant thing sets me off and i do nothing and cry all day and set myself back a million steps, i dont know why

thanks i really appreciate it

it's just so discouraging

>>114335
you're okay lol

i said something mean to someone who was mean to me in the past but i still shouldn't have said it

and i drank too much and i got really behind on my homework

and i probably lost like 2 pounds and that will take me like the better part of a month to get back

>>114344
no but i don't really want to talk to them i just wish i'd left well enough alone

>>114346
idk i mostly go for carbs because everything else fills me up too fast

thinking about food right now makes me feel sick but also I'm really hungry i think i should just try again tomorrow

I'm just mad at myself

I'm always mad at myself that's probably like half of the problem

>>114350
hm i don't know how any of that stuff works tbh i just try to eat a lot of calories

ah ok

i have enough to get mostly whatever grocery store food i want but not enough to eat out very often

I'm pretty lactose intolerant :c

>>114362
imagine the BRAPS

i almost texted my ex today ive been such a mess

our relationship was rly unhealthy but i just miss having someone actually care about me personally

>>114363
like 3/4 of my calories are rice and pasta oops lmao

>>114367
i mean yeah same

she was another trans woman so i felt a lot more confident about like my body in that regard because i knew she wouldnt be weirded out by it but like she was also really stifling and cynical and just made me unhappy all the time and when we broke up she kind of blew up at me and i got scared and i havent talked to her since

i might be bpd lol.,..

i definitely wasnt blameless either, for like 2 months until i broke up with her i basicallt just pushed her away and wouldnt tell her what was wrong and gave her no chance to like, fix anything idk

I still feel really bad about it but i was kind of freaked up about how she got when i did break up so i blocked her on everything and now it just like has stayed like that forever

she probably deserves a lot more of an explanation and stuff

>>114377
ive been trying to do that more yeah, idk, its pretty rare that i do the whole like. tellint someone theyre horrible thing, im pretty good at keeping that inside

i just think it in my head and get really avoidant and run away

maybe that is worse, i dont know.

the only reason i think i have bpd is i do the favorite person thing

but ive been trying to catch myself doing it and preemptively setting boundaries with myself and not getting too attached to them

idk i dont feel righteous very often

i just see people as overly good and then when they break my unrealistic expectations because they are just a person i freak out internally and like cant be around them anymore and i just stop talking to them and give them no reason why and i think it's a really shitty thing to do to someone who just wants a normal friend but i think that's just how i am

>>114386
bpd hawk tuah. split on that thang

>>114386
i do this all the time. ive recently been trying to foster more connections with self awareness this time but everyone ignores my messages

>>114387
i think u r cool fwiw

countless discord buddies... yet they are silent

>>114389
yeah, sometimes i feel like theres a big sticker on my head that says "EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE DO NOT DEVELOP CLOSE BONDS WITH" and nobdoy can see it but me

i blame myself for ignoring them first LMAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *shoots self*

i cant remember the last time i like made a casual friend xd

>>114393
some of those "real" friends that i thought was real has either betrayed or abandoned me outright. tsk tsk...

>>114395
do you want to be bpd friends

we'll fp each other only to be mutually blocked in 2 months

>>114397
sure nonna

>>114400
#oracle ()

>>114398
hehe

>>114399
im really bad at figuring out how vulnerable to be lmao either i am extremely overly formal and uptight or im trauma dumping and saying way too fucking much and making people uncomfortable

>>114399
>ace

ummmm. based???? sex = wrong!

i get it nonna

same

functionally asexual

i think theres like real asexuals who were born like that and could never be open to it just like geneticallt or soemthing, im not like that, its just like sex has gone so fucking badly for me every one of the few times its happened and im very ashamed and regretful of all of it that i just avoid it whenever possible

>>114412
...and smexy!

>>114413
this is like comparing period blood to poop

>>114413
lmfao

>>114411
#oracle ()

>>114416
i dont get that either tbh, maybe im one of le tumblr semi aces like demisexual or something, my idea of romance and love is just like being very physicallt close with someone but not doing sex just like hugging them all the time

ye and emotional stuff too i just meant the physical part of romance :p

when i imagine a romantic night with a partner its like 95% agressive cuddling with no sexual undertones

>>114423
yeah :c found that out the hard way in high school

:c

i just want to sloth hug and be sloth hugged why does it have to be about bumping uglies

>>114428
:( wtf thats not good

yeah,,

idk i dont even have a ton of bottom dysphoria but like every time i have had sexual experiences it has just been super uncomfortable for indescribable reasons and it gives me legit panic attacks and i feel so bad so i try to not show that im panicing so i just like go blank face and rigid no pun intended and like i think i just come across as noted or someone and it's always been really embarrassing and shameful

>>114431
#change noted to bored

>>114432
wtf

oh that sounds like a bad situation i think churches are so coersive and weird

:c I'm sorry nonna

for a trans person i have a pretty good relatjonship with my parents but mostly its just my mom, my dad just never cared about his kids very much he barely talked to us in general, nothing to do with being trans hes just like that

yeah, i have no idea

his relationship with his own dad was basically exactly like that too

I think my grandpa talked to me in like the 10 years we were both alive more than he ever talked to my dad

>>114445
wooo im so gettpilled

fuck yeah

better than getting blackout and texting my ex lets gooooo

that's what i think id be doing otherwise soo thanks for being here i preciate it

based

same i just anon post because i have weird unresolved issues with attaching an identity to my thoughts

So i get to blend in a bit more lole

>>114460
lmao

i mean idk i just feel like i cant bee myself if i have a name attached to my posts because everyone would hate me if they knew me xd

If i say something really dumb or annoying on anon it just melts into the breeze and i dont have to worry about it

>>114465
What! who

those ppl are mean you're a good poster

>>114468
what lmao what are your politics im curious now

>>114468
it sounds like u are just a socdem lol

>>114471
so u are like a trade unionist maybe or a socdem idk

im a bit further on the commie end of things but i think that sounds like a respectable position

how is there 15 people here and only the two of us talking.... lurkers show yourself

>>114481
#throw

i just noticed that chatgpt is a bit different in its responses, its more casual now

>>114484
they are probably furiously training it on the deepseek dataset lmao

it uses "yeah" instead of "yes"

>>114485
yea

$5million btw

china wins again

>>114482
the system that will solve everything is poor people get periodically really angry and light shit on fire and hang all the rich people who then get scared and are nicer for about a century

>>114491
fair enough but i think its hard to forget that the early history of a lot of the now opressive "communist" regimes is that they were hugely beneficial in modernizing their country and creating equality

sorry hard to remember*

easy to forget

idk something like that

Like tzarist russia and pre-mao china were genuine fucking nightmares and yeah they have big issues now certainly

But the initial changes were i think on the whole really positive

i mean yeah they did that in china too, they called glasses wearers kulaks and killed them, it was horiffic for sure but like

It was bad bad before that too, they also got a ton more basic human rights and social equality for women and studf too from their revolutions

Idk like tzarist russia i think like 70% of the population were straight up serfs before the october revolution

Russia is a hell hole now but i still think its doint better than like having sparta demographics you know?

And even in the more purely democratic / quasi-capitalist western revolutions they had a ton of positive change following the "killing and (soemtimes literally) eating the rich" phases

Like france

>>114509
i mean yeah i mostly agree government is almost always a farce to make poor people feel empowered while they consistently get fucked over by the rich/noblemen/whatever the elite class is called at the time

I just think the largest progressive changes in history have tended to (but certainly not always) followed violent populist uprisings

>>114514
yep lole but he was forced to keep a bunch of the reform that happened during that period because it would be hugely unpopular to get rid of it

yep...

i still think france would be worse off today if the revolution never happened

I think the structural changes often dont stick, but every time the peons get some new basic right guaranteed to them it gets a lot harder to take it away in the future once they get used to it

and the new more opressive forms of government that almost always replace the revolutionary governments end up keeping some of those rights around because of the threat of violence if they dont

in like a "remember what we did before to get this, try taking it away i dare you" kind of way

>>114521
yeah i do agree that i think the current wave of fascism is like a desperate move by the ultrarightoids and rich to try to curb that movement a bit because theyre scared of the progress happening

I mean i dont think they can ever permanantly win, its a LOT harder to control information now and itll be almost impossible to erase a memory of le golden age where faggers werent beat to death or put in camps, you know? book burning works a lot worse when a total moron with a small handful of cash can put those books on 10,000 thumbnail sized chips that will survive hundreds of years if they arent explicitly destroyed

>>114526
it is scary and i think they can do a lot of damage but i think the overall thrust of history is definitely in our favor, its just a question of like do we get to see that in our lifetimes lol

>>114528
I mean i guess so but i do think revolutions have usually been lead by the literati and the literati are smarter than ever

>>114530
i mean the blessing of it is that all the current figureheads are old as FUCK

the real danger is like a young charismatic figure who can live a super long time and keep their reforms around like octavian or something (although tbh i kind of think octavian was good for rome in a lot of ways even tho he did like. you know. destroy democracy)

>>114535
I mean idk theyve been really unsuccessful so far

None of their 2nd hitters have anywhere even close to the populism of trump, i think hes a bit of bottled lightning they are desperately trying to recreate

and (thus far) failing

>>114539
wait like 10 years tbh, hes fucking 78 or something

>>114542
people who go on walks every day and eat vegetables sometimes yeah

All the medical tech in the world cant save a fucked vascular system

at least not yet

or a degrading brain

>>114546
ye but idk i really dont think trump has ever been in nearly as good health as carter

And i do think being cynical and evil lowers the lifespan i think jimmy carter slept like a fucking baby and felt good about himself all the time because he saved 1 bajillion people from like melaria and dysentery and shit

>>114551
based, i didnt know that

>>114554
real

unfortunate it comes from a total racist but yeah real

maybe im mixing him up with someone else but yeah I'm pretty sure he was virulently antisemetic and racist

oh thats good

glad to be mistaken on that one

oh im thiinking of ruyard kipling

so was dr seuss unfortunately :/

at least early in his career

yeah go look up seuss political cartoons he made some truly heinous hateful shit before he did the cute books about

FUCKING SNEECHES

ITS LIKE DUDE U WROTE THE PERFECT METAPHOR FOR WHY RACISM IS RETARDED WHILE BEING SUPER RACIST ???

It was a lot of anti asian stuff during wwii i believe

yeah

dumbass monkey survival instinct to be afraid of things you dont understand even though its been a useless instinct for like 8000 years thats a tiny tiny tiny amount of time for evolution to change anything

arguably like 150,000ish actually but like at least they had the excuse of tribal warfare pre 8000ish

idk i have heard a lot of jews talk about the torah in really insightful ways and like i can see why they believe in it

a lot of times not literally

and i get why christians like the new testament, those who have actually READ IT and follow it, because almost all of the new testament is nice as fuck as is just like "be nice pls :)"

Idk i think what really frightens me is old testament christians

Because like the jewish scholarship tradition surrounding the torah, like the mishnah or whatever its called, theres actually a ton of uncertainty allowed and like. it's not unheard of to question why god would do cruel things sometimes and to question if those are reallt good examples to follow or like viewing them in the context of "the universe is sometimes cruel and we as humans have to overcome that"

But the old testament christians basically discarded all that certainty and take the raider-cult storm god's lessons uncritically

>>114594
yeah :/

theres def some good preachers and churches out there tho, especially black methodist churches tend to have an extremely progressive view of a lot of the bible

and lots of good christians

like idk i think i would probably assume that a christian whos read the whole new testament is probably actually pretty morally aligned with me its just that they NEVER DO

I Do Not Like ev*ngelicals though

>>114601
i mean, idk

i generally want to assume most people are nice and i think that plays out in statistics like even most repub voters think the republican partys stance on trans people is too harsh

and like 70% of our country or something is chirstian at least nominally

>>114605
theres an alternate timeline where gnosticism won over orthodoxy and that would be the official stance of the church

it was extremely popular in its heydat

>>114607
you are right. Im not uncritically forgiving them. But i think most of them *want* to be good people at least, i dunno

and with the right education and leadership they could be really good people

>>114612
I dont disagree at all and i think the best religious folks tend to be quietly into their religion and read their holy books very seriously and take them to heart

Because like on the whole most of the stuff said in most religious holy books is generally positive shit. Old testament nonwithstanding, but again, i think the jewish commentary tradition really solves that and views a lot of the problematic stuff more metaphorically

>>114605
YHWH did nothing wrong.

I think most of the evil religious people are not actually very religious they just use it as a mask for their evilness

i mean idk i dont want to run defense for orthodox religions too much because i do think they cause a lot of backward and vile shit on the whole

I just think its never so simple as religion bad

theres always goinf to be some followers for whom it is actually a really positive source of moral guidance

>>114623
what the fuck is all this i dont have the attention span for this lmao

>>114627
filtered chaos fag

>>114628
I'll get deepseek to read and summarize it for me #rekt (115)

>>114623
#describe (A comic strip with a cartoon of a man and a woman talking to each other.)

>>114630
typical neutralfag

smt is so fucking good...

>>114633
idk what that means

smt fucked my wife...

or what smt means tbh...

shin megami tensei, a rpg series about demons

ah

you catch them like pokemon

idk i think humans are good at heart and our group altruism genes are a lot stronger than our fear of the unknown genes and will inevitably win out and laws are just like a stopgap to force people to get over that discrepancy

what's your alignment libpol, bonus points if you pick your favorite example of it
for me, its the white from smt4

>>114642
waoe cool

>>114645
i mean i think its inevitable, idk,

I think its what makes humans strong and evolutionarily dominant and so itll be selected for forever until it wins out

fighting amongst ourselves is just wasted resources

and i genuinely dont think it's like technologically possible to end the human race anymore

so its just a matter of time

evolution always wins

>>114653
idk theres like 20 million human capacity in bunkers worldwide and 10-100k people living in them at any given moment, we have gone through a bottleneck basicallt exactly that same size at least once before, theres a lot of genetic evidence for it. and itll always be easier to rebuild society the second time

tbh i would be a lawfag if yhvh was okay with trannies

>>114658
YABBA DABBA DOO SIGN ME UP METATRON

>>114657
switzerland alone has like 120% of their total population in bunker capacity in the swiss alps lmao

Its their ultimate neutrality fallback plan

and america has a fuck ton of private bunkers (of varying quality) and every large goverment has at least like 10k in bunker capacity hidden away somewhere

I dont think a single event could really make earth truly unliveable

And most of those potential events are human caused and have the natural throttle mechanism of like, if we do a nuclear winter, then theres not enough humans around to do another one, but there's still enough to repopulate

>>114666
that would only kill 50% tho

sun popping or a really really big asteroid could do it but TBH we'd have a lot of warning and we are on the verge of those issues being solveable anyways

>>114671
oh yeah that would probably do it xd

not enough people in space at any given time to really repopulate

>>114674
what ..... that typo ....

>>114674
Idk i think u need about 5k people give or take for it to be really viable, or at least like a sperm/egg bank that survives

6 is definitely not enough everyone will be sterile after a few generations

or just dead before puberty

i mean its POSSIBLE

we made mouse lines that can do it

lab mice are like purely inbred we just inbred them so much we actually bread out all the genetic defects that come from inbreeding as weird as that sounds

But also like lab mice can NOT survive in the wild and they are generally a ton less healthy and lower lifespan than wild mice

But theyre model organisms who are sacrificed at the end of experiments even if they survive so it doesnt reallt matter their lifespans are artificially really short anyhow

>>114685
it takes a fucking ton of generations and a ton of wild stock to do that tho, i have no idea the specifics but basically the only reason we can do it with mice is because they can breed so fast

Basically every example of human inbreeding with even like as many as 1k individuals results in (relatively) super high mortality rates and often for very grisly reasons

Extremely painful genetic defects :P

>>114692
im worjing on a worldbuilding thing thats like 10k years in the future and a big plot point is that there is a bunch of old tech lying around still

>>114694
girls last tour as well

idk what tides kf neumenora is

aaa okay maybe i dont want to look into this too deeply because it seems like a similar kind of thing to what i want to make and i dont want to be corrupted by their ideas and feel like im stealing lole

wikipedia says 1 billion lole

>>114698
shouldve hired an editor lmaooo

1 billion is a lot like i think even the sun would be pretty different by then and humans would def be very fuckin different

Thats like the difference between wiggly clumps of cells being the biggest life to exist and current day

>>114704
sounds cool

and like complexity seems to rise exponentially

First billion or so years were like bad cells => slightly better cells in clumps sometimes maybe

>>114699
every writer steals

>>114710
okay true but idk if its too on the nose i feel like ill steal too much

im stealing from like 80 zillion things that have very little to do with mt world so i feel safe xd

>>114713
i wouldnt really think of it like that. it's just inspiration innit

like they did a cool thing but you can a cool thing similar to that

>>114711
I mean,,,,,, kind of

But like even the simplest stuff now is still crazy fucking complex compared to the first cells

>>114714
meeeeeeeeee

id love to learn more about ur world

>>114723
I know but they still evolve too and like make their protiens and membranes better and shit

Like i dunno id argue that cyanobacter are one of the most highly evolved organisms in a weird way because their generation time is like 30 fucking seconds

And theyre like literally just a free floating chloroplast