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fujo
>>407445
there is no way i can truly fulfill anything i would want.
it's all reducing suffering
faye
we are all just inconsequential accidental existences in this stupid chaotic universe and there is no rhyme or reason we are here, and i think the only thing we can so is find self-purpose and fulfillment in the things we do
rose
im p consequential b
rose
im a p big deal for trans girls with mental health issues so i think i matter
>>407456
sadmoder
have they invented trans girls without mental health issues?
>>407464
anon
>>407452
Nuclear Proliferation is in vogue these days, there's still time
faye
existential nihilism has helped me get thru my dark shit its stupid
faye
but i think its a potentially freeing mindset
faye
oh that's cute
sæкі
urs is cute though ^w^ maybe i can send a similar starry esc theme i hab/generated from a layout generator recently n stuffs, i also luv ur art on the pages n albums is cute
>>407463
sæкі
gon grab new ice
faye
ive been thinking of making a neocities site sometime just for fun
faye
but i have no idea what im doing
rose
>>407458
hehehe thank u luv drawing :3 i like shapes n colours class i am 5 years old
rose
>>407451
thankfully not, keeps my demographic a little bigger
anon
i love rose
rose
yay :3
rose
boy i went on a date with rlly liked my music and also posted it on their story so im sending them a bunch of demos
>>407473
anon
boys unf
sadmoder
boys(unf) - pre estrogen
>>407482
anon
what does the boys function output on input unf?
sadmoder
no (unf) like osrs
anon
elaborate
sæкі
awesome :3
sæкі
happy 4 u
sadmoder
unf = unfinished. when making items it will sometimes say the item name and (unf) indicating that there is more processing to be done
sæкі
yh
rose
>>407469
theyre trans in the other direction lol
rose
>>407484
thats what makes boys kissing so good
fp
a woman who's a boy... much to think about
faye
lmao
faye
got that k2 blend
sæкі
>>407495
#hug
wud join bwawa - u-
rose
need 2 get high again 4real
>>407494
sæкі
might get a lil . .
fp
urgh
sæкі
hnng.,.
fp
lowkey hate how both grindr and her around here are basically only cis people
>>407507
fp
and the trans ones are straight
sæкі
yeah
sæкі
i dipped yrs ago cus of that
fp
it's so over
sæкі
i only met one trans peep in my general area
sæкі
>1k msgs
faye
and taimi is a horrendous app now thats basically unusable
>>407514
sæкі
idk it . .
faye
its a queer focused dating app, it used to be decent but its been enshittified
>>407524
sæкі
ah yh
fujo
>>407508
i always found the people there to be super boring, met up with like 3 of them, they were all carbon copies of eachother, no individuality
>>407518
sæкі
awe
sæкі
yea
sæкі
same
faye
exactly
faye
i have found a lot of ppl just going outside when i was in the city
nona
>>407511
taimi is for fat poly people :)))
sæкі
weba nona
sæкі
how was class w twink femboy
nona
im still in class :( we r just taking a break. i finished a lot of hw from other classes though so thats something off my back
faye
i would go to shows and meet ppl and that was fun, but thats much harder where i am now
sæкі
daww
sæкі
nicu c: proud of u n peeps
nona
>>407521
same my roomate and closest friend i met on tttt she is wonderful
sæкі
awwww ;;;
sæкі
i met peeps like that on a small IRC server
nona
irc is still a thing???????????????????????????????????????????
>>407538
sæкі
i hope i hit reply 2 that dm if i didnt yk
sæкі
yeah
sæкі
met them there in 2020-21
dawn
>>407534
yea you just have to know where to look
nonners
go to um fcuking
nonners
lainchan irc
sæкі
GOD
sæкі
tab unloaded can peep dm me so i can reply
sæкі
ill finally open steam
nona
lainchan is so awesome but confusing
rose
.play nope your too late i already died
dawn
>>407540
holedigging club is comfy

#tkmiz on rizon
nona
rip wifiskeleton :(
rose
is he actually dead wtf
rose
dawg i literally just found this song yesterday wtf
fp
bring back self harm
fp
nothing is fun anymore
fp
smh
rose
self harm kinda bad
fp
erm no?
fp
i have a bunch of scars on my arms and thighs
rose
idk all it ever did was make me feel worse and then i was itchy about it
nona
it sent me to urgent care :(
fp
when people see them they think im insane or manic depressed
fp
theyre right but thats not the point
anon
self harm is cringe
rose
i think scars are cute but i dont encourage their creation
nona
im i weird for liking it when ppl get uncomfy from my scars?
>>407567
nona
i used to cut all up and down both arms and then just walk aroiund like that, it was fun seeing people notice
>>407565
rose
>>407564
i get u, i like making ppl worry
sæкі
pat
sæкі
and idk, i can understand thats
sæкі
especially w having to have felt i needed to hide them n never tell anyone n being on upper thighs n all
sæкі
9443.png
so i can get that -u-
::headpats
nona
i only did that when i was like, mentally super broken
nona
i only do it like every 6 months now and just a little bit...
sæкі
ive mentioned before but
cutting wise am clean as of june 2020-
but ended up falling into using substances to cope instead for the next yr or so . .
i feel that
>>407597
nona
awa
sæкі
i hope u can care for self how u need
started feeling more shame over the last few yrs
and err
nona
can i ask what substances?
sæкі
i became disabled n homebound w most notably a chronic chronic migraine issue in 2018 n fell into taking/trying to get codeine n stuff to cope cus it was all i thought would help after 3-4 yrs of so many meds bwa. .
i quit that tho n switched to kratom to not let myself get close to risking self ever agaain due to how err
>>407594>>407591
fp
my friend is lusting over that guy from gta6 it's over
>>407581
fp
cant trust these bisluts
fp
wow
fp
wow
fp
just wow
sæкі
lost self often
rose
>>407590
which makes u a coward yeah
nona
>>407578
awa :( i hope u are doing better now that stuff sounds bad...
fujo
i need to fix my lack of motivation
fujo
im not capped by like being dumb, but not being able to act...
sæкі
>>407597
y-yis aa
was bleh n stuffs but while i dont wanna be on kratom too much, rn particularly is yk -3-
n SH wise was more important to break cus i started at idk early early or pre teens bwa, take the care of urselves u need ;;;
sæкі
i appreciate peeps care ;3;
fp
.play fuck you for 10 minutes
>>407605
nona
i think sh is like other drugs, like u have to keep going more and more and it get more and more dangerous as time goes on...
>>407610>>407614
rose
fp, stream rose orlando
fp
.skip (video skipped)
nona
>>407606
like u start off with scratches an within some time ur going to the hospital/urgent care for stitches
nona
my bf is not icky but only cause hes a tboy :3333
sæкі
it was an addiction to cope for me cus id never done any droogs n i didnt have anything to let it out w
i did recover for a good while in 2017-2018 n was a sort of group counsellor/support mutual aid peep for people needing SH support, but then had stuff all happen n big mess due to a horrible peep
sæкі
is smth like a vice u can become reliant on like any other or stuffs, the endorphins
sæкі
ooooo
sæкі
:3
faye
my bday is uhhhhhhhhhhh
sæкі
ooooo
faye
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo im gonna be 27
sæкі
happy early bday!
faye
IM GETTING OLD
sæкі
my moms is coming up n is on mothers day
sæкі
brb baffroom
fp
>>407613
because all they do is eat hot chip and lie
faye
I WISH but my brother is getting married the DAY BEFORE MY BDAY
faye
what a little asshole
fp
i had to date several guys to realize that men suck
>>407635
rose
.play art brut the replacements
fp
much to think about
sæкі
>>407632
had to date a lot of guys 2 realize i am rly only comfy w gurls in relationships
>>407647
fp
big if true
rose
had to date a lot of girls to realise i like guys
>>407641
sæкі
lel
sæкі
patpat
fp
can u stop
fp
ok
fp
buy me
faye
i dont have a huge gender preference however, i dont think i could ever date a cis man because of pas experiences
fujo
one kept going on about "body standards" and the other one tried uhh.
he kissed me when i rlly wasnt in the mood for it and liike it just felt super wrong.. like feeling the scratchy face aaaaaa... i cannot type this out without feeling like shit
sæкі
>>407647
aw
and yea
had a terrible situation lead me to make the final realization a yr ago
fp
it's over im never going to heaven
sæкі
made me uncomfy that i havent been in person w peeps since thoughs
sæкі
sad
faye
>>407651
u are basically chaste in comparison to me :(
sæкі
lol
sæкі
awww
fp
what
fp
dating i mean seriously not just hooking up
sæкі
id have to think...
faye
yeah
sæкі
yea
rose
lol
fp
wow
fp
you'all sluts
sæкі
i prefer not to abt it
fp
wow
sæкі
and ouuu
sæкі
<3
fp
>>407670
dont make fun of me im a teenager mentally because i was hit in the head
>>407686
sæкі
awrooo!!
sæкі
::snuggle
sæкі
lol that pic rn
nona
my bf isnt ick but its because hes a tboy, if he was cis hed be gross
>>407687
fujo
>>407676
hell is like the worst what normies can come up with, their minds cannot comprehend a truly hopeless reality that someone is living through
faye
my most recent ex was like 6 years older than me and she always was like "i really dont feel bound to my age" and so that lead to her regularly hooking up with 19/20 y/o trans girls
>>407692
fp
can we cancel orlando shes laughing at me
>>407691
sæкі
ouu
sæкі
im mainly t4t so im unsure what itd be for meh, i think id be happier w that n is mainly a issue w me dating cis guys who do some bwaaa shit
fujo
>>407685
wait so like a solid 10 year age gap?
faye
yeah
fujo
oh no...
faye
shes 32 this year?i think
fujo
like i would not mind it at all when im the younger person, but the other way around would make me rlly uncomfy
sæкі
oh god i gotta send the shirt that says cunny on it that that awful guy gave me
>>407709>>407700
fujo
i do not get along with people my age, usually
>>407701
fp
oldest women i've dated was 42 and she hated me
sæкі
>>407698
same unless usually w trans peeps my age at times cus of a lot of us having to grow up too soon
>>407705
fp
good sex though
faye
i like mid-late 20's trans women the most
sæкі
>>407700
its so bad
its a loli w a chainsaw that says that on it
fujo
>>407701
>trans peeps my age
yea no i feel especially bad about those tbh, i see the zoomerbrain and its just... meh i need someone who's through similar shit and has sort of similar coping strategies, and most people just lean into the usual things for that generation, and i dont think i was that
faye
though tbh i feel most trans women my age havent been transitioning as long as me so i kind of feel out of place sometimes
sæкі
mhm
sæкі
am uh
20<x<24
sæкі
i realized i was trans at uhhh
sæкі
13?
sæкі
and yeah
sæкі
dating peeps, more specifically, who have been recently trans cus of my age still not being elder enough to be the most helpful or best for them at those times
rose
i came out as trans when i was 14 n socially transitioned but like i couldnt get on hrt until i had my own money which was like just before i turned 21 it fucking sucked
sæкі
aww
sæкі
<3 yeah, well hey im proud of n happy u were able to work towards that
i got hrt at uhhh
i got injection access in polycule at 18 or so
faye
i mean ive been on hrt like what, 6 years now? and ive known i was trans for a while b4 then
rose
i gotta stop thinking about it, every time i think about it i get really depressed because i knew and i told my parents and those stupid fucks they didnt listen and if they had just listened i'd be doing so much better
sæкі
i lost it tho as ive mentioned cus of that polycule but working that out rn
fujo
tbh i relate to the "i knew since i was <...>" people from personal experience
it's weird for me cause i used to just not think about stuff and mostly just dissociate
but liiiiike, i just had things i was absolutely NOT comfortable doing
fam. taking pictures of me, stuff like this
>>407724
sæкі
yea
fp
wheres iris
sæкі
i feel that ;-; <3 i overthink it so much cus even tho theyve come to thankfully be more accepting
my dad refused to help or let me buy more hrt when i ran out even tho he knew id been being tested n on it for so long
controlling my money at that time n all
but he has improved (not in that sense tho.) from being the kind who brought up like
faye
>>407720
i used to have dreams where i was a girl at like age 10 and wake up in a cold sweat and very disappointed, i "knew" then but i didn't know what being trans was so i dont think thats fair to say
>>407739
nona
@rose i used to be really sad because i knew i was trasn at 16 and had to wait till 19...i would always think about "oh i couldve started earlier, i could be a youngshit" but really you have to not let those thoughts into your mind because theyll destroy you. like the longer you think about it the worse it gets. you just have to not let it sink into your mind, try as hard as u can"
sæкі
trans suicide stats almost when i came out like
not saying it directly but clearly referencing that or detrans as well
so weird
rose
yeah i know, thats why i try not to think about it
but like its hard and no amount of "oh u just gotta not worry about it" makes it any less harder to deal with
>>407730
sæкі
mhm
sæкі
i repressed ish / hid it till i was 18 ish cus i wanted to be able to run away w/o issue if yk-
nona
>>407727
definatly. but the less you think about it the easier it gets
sæкі
but i get the ruminating n is just
is tough sometimes i feel it
#hug
rose
its just like fuck goddamnit fuck aaaaaaaaaa i knew i knew and told you and i told everyone and fuck
its so fucking shit being a tranny in the north of england in some bumblefuck town and then i dont even get to transition i just fucking humilated myself for my entire teenage years for no fucking benefit whatsoever at all fuckkk fuck fuck udsfonip]a
DBGWinoq
>>407742
nona
i dated a girl who would mention probably 20 times a day that she couldve started at 14 ad it was so fucking hard to be around, i never want to be like that
sæкі
ughhhh
sæкі
yea i
sæкі
that stuff gets me so like
i understand theyre probs feeling overthinky n not good abt it but it makes other feel so bad or stuff for some
rose
what ever
rose
i dont care
sæкі
mhm
rose
>>407732
#edit bot destroy this post, blow it up i dont want it here
faye
>>407739
yes, it always gets easier. just keep working on your transition, keep going keep moving forward. be the most you version of you. you deserve it ok????
>>407799
sæкі
and if u can take that time n start meeting ppl n building support system, can be a lot more manageable n raise the floor for chu, n yis
u all deserve the best n support, the care chu need, n meds u want or dont want
>>407750
sæкі
whatever is for chu
anon
i should shoot my shot
sæкі
w someone ?
sæкі
appreciate n luv chu peeps ^.^ glad chu all can be around for each other especially as chu need
rose
listen to rose orlando at roseorlando.bandcamp.com btw
sæкі
have it open in tab below dis <3
anon
look at what they did to dr phil
sæкі
gay character ai n gen
rose
look what they did to my wiener
rose
mfw they ask what position i want
sæкі
lol
sæкі
i feel like i might be much more of a switch/vers in the future
fp
wgar
sæкі
i think i always felt like i had to be/could only be bottom err idk
>>407771
sæкі
i mean im probs gon be sub tho
anon
ahm sorry where are the hoes at
rose
>>407768
for a while i thought i was more of a top/switch but then i started like having sex n was just like vvvvv bottomy lmao
rose
itd be nice to top in the future but idk its tufff
sæкі
>god, on e i was sub n puppy brained
>at ex's place i slept in their cage
>>407775
rose
id wanna sleep in a cage omg
rose
#check (checked)
nona
i wanna kennel...
sæкі
id probably send pics if not so embarrassed/dysphoric or whatever abt that period / relationship
n yee <3 just saying cus is how i feel abt its
>>407783
rose
hehehe
rose
mnnn i get u dw about it
rose
itd be nice to have a doggy bed like one of those human sized ones
>>407784
sæкі
this would be much more my speed for a while
sæкі
im looking at collarfactory again lately, ive never had my own personal personal one
anon
guess the puppy girl shit wasnt a joke, you guys do that for real. kinda hot ngl
>>407788
fp
im so confused
fp
closest mcdonald's it's on a mall and i hate malls but i want a burgee
rose
when i went on my date they put a collar on my neck it was so cute
>>407797
sæкі
:o
sæкі
awwwWw
sæкі
ccuteeee
sæкі
also in that puppy period was uh
when was comfy w the thing u uh cough cough mentioned u n date did yday -3-;
sæкі
>>407799
#hug
mhm, proud of u n peeps for keeping on even in the rough times n feel those as well — isnt forever or for so long though even if it feels like it will be <3
sæкі
HAHA
sæкі
yes very real
anon
>>407802
i saw a post with a phd girl that at home liked to be a puppy girl so yeah its likely
sæкі
yea
known several high educated peeps that uh did or do
rose
im not like most puppy girls cos im not smart outside of being a puppy
sæкі
lol hehe
anon
yeah no, im not going to be one of them. but i will be probably worse
♪♫
there's so much yuri on the booru
fp
not enough
sæкі
omg its the real rose orlando :з
♪♫
no way it's not the same rose orlando that you can find on rose orlando dot bandcamp dot com
>>407826
♪♫
it's not possible
♪♫
that's crazy
anon
the one and only muslimgauze reincarnate
♪♫
dingaling
anon
we finally meet
♪♫
it's been a long time coming anon
sæкі
might make cereal or hab sweet bread
anon
we will discuss this at noon like the old days
>>407841
shrimp
what are they
shrimp
yeehaw
fp
.play lord sover
anon
>>407841
tomorrow dont make me wait you comprades
♪♫
i'll gladly meet @ high noon and settle this once and 4 all

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