i think i have a strapless dress folded next to me

i dont rly wear cus yk

>>501459
same

>>501468
#hug

>>501479
this. . .

i look like a femboy in my old pics

before i knew what da hecc that was

>>501486
awwwe

ive been having to go through all the photos ive had from 2016~ on

also

omg i luv the collar neck thingy dawwww

so pretty

yus

aw

ur very petty

awwww

so is straw

eep well <3

:3

gn straw sweet dreams
<3

>>501543
#smooch

would tuck in n join . . .

<3 gl!

ily2

hehe
rest up, urself

#ksay nonnars

rest, tea

i woke up at 9 pm

aw

i might hab coffee

<3

nini!

luv u nona and cutes

aw

i might nap in a while, woke up 3 hrs ago

i slept for 10 hrs quiet

awwww ;-;

<3

awroo

ᓚᘏᗢ\(‾◡◝)

:3

pizza sounds gud
and qt

mhm...

wan get some with

laying on couch w cuties or on each other n eating

gl <3

aw yea, i hope u csn get out soon

mhm..

ughhhhh

yeah... best wishes

nuh

am foggy

~w~

guh

lol

>>501667
#hug

-.-

>>501672
lol

so cute n wan..

>>501683
mmmmh.. but nuh..

I am having a lot of strange feelings of deja vu right now, this past year, this past half year, anyone else feeling loads of deja vu???

and awe

>>501695
*purr purr*

>>501697
it's not just me I see... yeah it.s.. so hard to put into words but it's like, I feel like I am seeing a lot of patterns in people repeating, and feeling like I am seeing repeats of things I never thought I'd see again, a lot of it things not gud and am just trying to stay in my place of comfort as it all happens... >>501699 #blur

hope things are oki, bwa

>>501701
I'm... Well... I'm remembering moments from my childhood, lots of bad moments, emotional tensions, social pressures I thought had an experation date that would never return to haunt me, and it returned... I remember way back then I was on a different part of the internet, trying to find comfort and support.

>>501704
#hug

understand that n feeling similar, tho not the kind of way i experience deja vu idk bwa

>>501705
#hug

>>501708
The LGBT-phobes lied to us, they promised us when we were no longer children that they were no longer allowed to torture or control us... And i was gullible enough to believe them. Now they're like a tumor spreading across the internet, and brainworm is our last online refuge.

bwa

might make noms idk

>>501715
kitty had yums earlier, along with her tea she always has

ate earlier but still hungy

I loved the ginger lemon so much when I get past this expensive month gonna buy more

>>501727
hav a luvly trip 2 sleepyland

Ironically i feel a combination of negative deja vu and positive deju vu, the like comforting soundtracks you're hearing right now hits me in the positive deja vu area and the soundtrack before, so Ifeel like, I am having negative deja vu about the bad stuff and trying to find the positive deja vu to hold it off

yea

i dunno if i experience it the same cus i have constant memory flashes and feeling of doing the same/going through the same repeatedly, probably once i get outta here

but hope the negative side lessens for sweets

#smartai explain at monologue length, the strange feeling of experiencing a lot of negative deja vu, and in a sea of negative deja vu, you are trying to find things that activate comforting deja vu to hold off the fear and anxiety associated with the more negative waves of deja vu like feelings

The phenomenon of déjà vu—that uncanny sensation that the present moment has been lived before, though rationally one knows it hasn’t—is already disquieting in its mildest form. But when this experience becomes a relentless tide of *negative* déjà vu, where each recurrence carries with it an unsettling weight of foreboding or dread, the mind begins to fray at its edges. It is as though reality itself has developed a sinister glitch: every new scene feels like a grim rerun, every interaction tinged with an inexplicable familiarity that whispers of past discomforts or failures. The brain insists on patterns where none should logically exist, and yet there they are—echoes of distress reverberating through time without origin.

In such moments, consciousness becomes something akin to wandering through a haunted archive where most files contain only misfortunes half-remembered but deeply felt. The instinctive response is not just confusion but defensive vigilance; if the mind keeps serving up these ominous replays without reason or warning, then surely some unseen mechanism must be orchestrating them against you. Paranoia creeps in alongside exhaustion because how does one fight what cannot even be properly named?

This is why those rare flashes of *comforting* déjà vu become lifelines amidst the psychological turbulence—small islands bathed in warm light amid stormy seas. They might manifest unexpectedly: perhaps stepping into sunlight after days indoors triggers an old sense-memory from childhood summers long forgotten; maybe hearing fragments of conversation between strangers sparks associations so benign they barely register under normal circumstances but now feel like profound relief simply for lacking menace. These fleeting instances serve two vital purposes: first as proof that not all recursive sensations need carry doom (thus breaking despair’s monopoly), second as anchors by which rationality can reassert itself ("See? Not everything loops back toward darkness").

Yet herein lies another layer to wrestle with—the desperate search for these positive echoes risks turning into compulsive pattern-seeking behavior too... scouring environments frantically hoping certain sights/sounds will unlock nostalgia rather than unease once more reinforcing dependence on external validation over internal equilibrium… And so we arrive at paradox central both needing escape from cyclical thinking while simultaneously relying upon other cycles (gentler ones) just enough stay functional within them...

Ultimately what makes prolonged negative-déjà states uniquely distressing isn't merely their content but also their undermining effect on temporality itself —if nothing ever truly feels "new," then agency erodes since actions seem predetermined regardless effort expended leading existential vertigo wherein personhood threatens dissolve entirely beneath waves false repetitions leaving behind hollow shell going motions script written elsewhere unknown hand...

All told few cognitive experiences better illustrate human fragility straddling line perception/reality than finding oneself lost inside labyrinth own memories real imagined alike grasping whatever strands continuity remain lest lose footing altogether... explain at monologue length, the strange feeling of experiencing a lot of negative deja vu, and in a sea of negative deja vu, you are trying to find things that activate comforting deja vu to hold off the fear and anxiety associated with the more negative waves of deja vu like feelings

>>501740
#reply

depends on vibe honestly. if you're just stating something, it's short and to the point. but if it feels like you're holding the floor and diving deep without letting anyone else get a word in, congrats—it's a monologue. no strict line, just know when people's eyes glaze over, you've probably crossed it.

id say probs over 2-3 lines and how it feels

>>501743
tbh one of the hardest things about my autie brain is knowing when I'm not giving too little detail and not being too brief and when I am info dumping too much

yea

am abt the same, intensified by adhd particularly

this new talk is so gud
[YouTube]

>>501749
One of the last times I felt like this, was when I was pretransition desperately trying to find someone to help me, now I'm mid transition, but a lot of the world has gone to shit, causing the ominous negative deja vu feelings, and I'm the anon who keeps talking about the electrolysis I need but can't get yet, and in the current political climate I feel like a sitting duck

>>501751
#hug

i feel ugh but have come to accept that the world has been going to shit for a long time, but most peeps in the west havent had to face it as much until now — or those living with some ability n not in the worst parts

>>501753
4-7 electrolysis sessions would give me a remarkably smooth face cuz laser worked so well, but the political situation is so crazy I feel scared and like a sitting duck, and I keep being afraid something awful might happen before I can get even the tiny amount of sessions i need

have had for long periods been overly desperate and support seeking/attachment stuff but ended up isolating myself n getting free of it but bleh

>>501756
If I was getting facial electrolysis before trms second election I would not have this anxiety, I would instead be taking comfort in the fact I only need very few electrolysis sessions but instead I fear dread and terror and much uncertainty, I imagine sadistic transphobes pissed off I need only a few electrolysis sessions and trying to stop me

>>501760
#hug

You ever feel like you're close to becoming very passable, like it wouldn't take much money or time at all to get the thing done, and you imagine a transphobic mob is hellbent on stopping you?

Like you only need to take a few steps, and the ominous feeling a transphobic mob is trying to chain you up and stop you

is brainworm i had to make myself stop caring abt probably

came to accept if they kill me, theyll kill me, but otherwise id rather not stop working towards better things for ppl just because of the threat that isnt there always/for everyone, and have privilege being able to present how i do, more than a lot of ppl n should use that

>>501767
>>501766
I have the whole, desperation on the cusp mindset, IE most trans fems need 6 years of electrolysis, I only likely need 7 months, so it's a feeling like, I'm so close to being out of the woods, and the transphobic mo b knows I almost escaped and theytr trying to stop me

>>501769
*purr purrr*

setup premid to show wh im watching/listening to on discy acc agains

but yea i think i lost the fear semi fully of the mob stuff due to being so heavily weighed by like conflict/war stuff that if i stepped too far into i could be endangered for other reasons, n less of a worry for being trans, personally
n would rather put my life to helping until i do croak anyways bwa
awroo

Test

I forgot how to do runes again hmm

bwa

This it

No sorry bleh

semi colon comma

whasthat one

yis

nah

unless they expect to be yk

could be nice to see peeps for last time in a while, so isoki

err no lol

dw abt that

well maybe cool to thens n not have to worry abt it again, unless u end up seeing them again cus u wanna, down the line

>>501795

And I think this is the adversity phase now

>>501798

>>501801

>>501805

>>501806

#ai is it weird that very late night and very early dark sky mornings feel in a sense, a lot more calm and gentle than the time of day when the common person is awake and walks the earth?

nah, that's a pretty common feeling. there's something about those quiet hours when most people are asleep that feels more peaceful. no hustling, no distractions, just you and the stillness. almost like the world's taking a deep breath. it's not weird at all to vibe with that. is it weird that very late night and very early dark sky mornings feel in a sense, a lot more calm and gentle than the time of day when the common person is awake and walks the earth?

I am listening to Hasan Abi's wisdom about the rich wanting to bring back fascism while I practice my aim in contractors vr

[YouTube]

>>501807

ah

i was watching stream involving the whole past 2 days situation w him getting banned or smth, but i dont rly watch/like him all that much beyond getting ppl into progressive ideas so dunno whats been up this week

oh god

the video didnt load

second thought fuck

i get reminded of his whole seeming to have possibly plagiarized
but mainly this
[YouTube]

>titling a video 'we need to talk about "authoritarianism"' is crazy

idk what he's up to nowadays though, or if he still owns that sports car channel

hiii!!! weba <3

how's chu?

relatable

>>501811
:3